And so I sit here…

It’s 3:02AM EST time and I’m sitting here watching tv marathons and movies on iTunes and Netflix.  I just finished off a bowl of homemade nachos and guacamole and I’m about to go warm up some more spicy pulled pork I made earlier.  Has this become my life?  This could be the wine talking, or the wandering mind thinking… but this is definitely not where I thought I would be… a year ago, two, three, five, ten? What has happened?

It’s funny how things work. Weight gain made me sad. But I gained weight cuz I’ve been happy. But the weight gain makes me not want to move… so while I eat less, I move less. I’m still not happy with my body. But that could just be my eating disorder talking.  Always in recovery, never fully recovered.

You guys have been with me through so many ups and downs and yet you remain loyal.  So much gratitude.  Love, lust, heartbreaks. Breakdowns and highs. Parties and mournings.

The past year I have been basically mostly living in Taiwan and I’ve forgotten my love for cooking, almost.  I stopped caring a lot about things I used to be so passionate about and I have no real explanation for it… but it’s recently sparked up again.

I cooked duck the other day. And today I had a pulled pork burrito/taco night with pomegranate guacamole, spicy mango pico de gallo with roasted garlic and corn and an extremely spicy salsa verde… along with some yummy gooey blue corn chip nachos.  I started to feel alive again.  I started a cooking idea journal/notebook again…. mainly b/c I was planning to cook for C on his birthday… and while things got in the way, I still got MAD IDEAS to play on.

SO…. I have ideas of doing supper parties.  [And have talked with a chef friend or two about doing pop ups] – I want to, once I move out, host supper/dinner parties, first once a month, and then possibly once a week.  People can BYOB and tell me their diets…. or just leave it up to me.  Hopefully soon after team, up with chefs and cool wine people.

I have so many ambitions and ideas… I want to write, I want to travel, I want to cook, I want to go back to school…. and I want to film it all. I have a secret thing about wanting to be in front of a camera.

So maybe this is how this blog is evolving.  It went from food diary to healthy eating and recipes to eating out and traveling extravagantly …. and then just personal…. me finding my inner peace…. healing and now this.  My lifestyle. Ever evolving.

This blog is now: Finding the real Miss Tiffie.

Please join me in my journey.

Welcome to my JUNGLE

Normally I don’t write posts like this.  Or even the few posts that I have written…. things were easier when I just wrote about food and about how delicious or not so much, or disgusting they were.  But lately I just like writing about my life and how it’s been constantly changing and evolving…. forever changing.  And not so much in a good or bad or great way.  Just in a way, and the end result is just a constant surprise!

Updates.
1. I like someone.
2. I’m starting to like someone.
3. I’m OVER someone. But that was a given fact and that was proven awhile ago.
4. I’m getting fat. But happy fat. I think. I’m happy and eat. Not so happy I’m getting fat, but the food makes me happier than me being not so happy that I’m getting fat.
5. I need to move.  To where? I’m not sure.  I currently have an opportunity and possibility of moving to Philly or back to Taiwan, or just get a place in Boston.
6. I need a new tattoo. CRAVE ONE. What I need is a tattoo cover-up. So I guess two. Two new tattoos.
7. I miss being in a relationship and being in love.
8. I love being single and free from a relationship.
9. I have a lot of food in my room in this room in Taiwan. HA!
10. I dropped my phone in the toilet and I couldn’t find rice, so I crushed up dried ramen and stuck it in there. It worked. Phone is  FINE, and smells delicious. Yes, the toilet was clean.
11. I’m hungry as FUCK.

I need food…..

xoxo, LOVE
Miss Tiffie

So welcome to the Jungle

Oh and, 12. I’m obsessed with the movie “How to Be Single”, I’ve watched it like over 20x…. in the past week.  Maybe more. Sad? Maybe. But the movie is SO true.  I think of back in the day watching Sex in the City. And now I’m fucking LIVING IT. Jeezus, Yeezus? HAHA I don’t even like Kanye, minus his music, I’m getting old.

I open my eyes are there you are…

I’m pretty sure I am the luckiest girl in the world.  By fate, chance, karma,緣分, however you wanna call it, I’m sure blessed to have you in my life.  You always makes me smile, laugh, giggle and unconditionally happy.  I love falling asleep next to you and waking up next to you.  In a few days we will be embarking on a new exciting journey, together.  One of the biggest choices I’ve made in my life , seriously, the biggest deal that I have ever made and I’m so glad we’re doing it hand in hand.  With you next to me, we will get through anything and everything.  You are positive, an inspiration, protective of me, supportive, loving and simply the love of my life! …and it all started with an Apple.

I promise to be all yours if you are all mine.

See you in 3+ hours baby <3 LOVE YOU

To be Barbie…… leave skinny girls alone

i’m sure most of little girl’s dreams was to be barbie. I, myself  never had that urge, in fact I didn’t understand skinny vs fat til 8th grade and fashion until high school – thru bullying.  And then I recently saw this article.  If she was was in real life she’d be 5’9″ and 110lbs.  I already lose, I’m 5’7″+ – ish and around 105+ or minus lbs depending on sodium/liquid and food intake.

But then they post Barbie’s “impossible physical properties” vs the “average woman” so I decided to measure myself tonite…  with a few glasses of wine HAHA.

Barbie vs. Avg vs. Miss Tiffie
Head 22″ 20″ 21″
Neck 9″ 15″ 11.5″
Bust 32″ 35″ 32″
Biceps 7″ 13″ 6″
Forearms 6″ 11″  5.5″
Wrist 3.5″ 6.5″ 5.5″
Waist”16″35″ 23″
Hips 29″ 40″ 31″
Thigh 16″ 35″ 10″
Calf 11″ 16″ 10″
Ankle 6″ 9″ 7″

HMMMMM… INTERESTING…..

While I do find wanting to be Barbie “proportions ridiculous” talking about girls having to be anorexic or having eating disorders is even worse for me.

While my wrists aren’t that skinny but my legs are skinnier than her.. does it make it right that I get bullied and made fun of for being thin? It’s completely unfair, especially if barbie is the “ideal” woman!  In fact I am happy healthy and fit and closer to barbie proportions than the average woman. WHY is it ok to criticize “thin”/”skinny” women publicly and anyway wanted when one cannot criticize an overweight woman? I do neither but it is very hurtful to be bombarded with hateful words, comments and mail every day on how I look. p.s. yes I have a huge head. get over it. Pineapple head or not (haha Will) just means I have a bigger brain right? You got that right bitches!

Barbie may be unreal, but I am 100% natural as is many others even tinier than me, naturally. So unless you want to openly “make fun of” “larger” women, leave us alone.  This is very triggering….  have had eating disorder issues.. which I have avoided talking about for a very long time for years and if I wasn’t fine right now, I would wanna be tinier than Barbie.  Even tho I naturally already am in some cases. Either these articles shouldn’t be written or Barbie should look more “natural” PEACE OUT I’m gonna go eat some chips.

Is it really almost May?

I’ve written posts but none have been published. The past month and a half…. why? A lot has been happening and I’ve been going through a lot of changes (cue: jokes) – And I’m still in the process of going through changes. In fact before the end of summer I’ll have my own apartment, a new job, a ton of new side projects and hopefully my filming/hosting for Flushing Foodie Season 1 will be done.  I can’t wait to travel more and go to more events and concerts (woot!) – I can’t wait to go to Taiwan and *surprise* FINALLY Hong Kong at the end of the year and I just feel like I’ve been re-born the past few weeks.

There is so much craziness going on in thee world, most recently the earthquake in Nepal and this whole Baltimore situation it feels silly to be blogging about food I eat and cook, life being single and pics of my dogs – but I do have to admit I’m basically cooking almost 6 out of the days of the week now – which has definitely been a huge stress relief.  I promise to post more, and to do some food posts again (since people have been asking) – and I’m totally backlogged and have so much to publish, sooooo…. we’ll see :D  BTW, I will be helping out with charity work again at Save A Dog now that the weather is getting better and will be holding a donation stand for Nepal this weekend in my town – if interested in helping out :]

But aside from that I’m excited to see my cousin when he visits me in June, baseball games, beaches, the ocean, bikinis, tans and just the summer sun <3

Love,
Tiffie

“I’ll walk right up to you and put one finger in the air”

I have one less problem without you

I’ve always been attracted to the wrong guys…. my friends know it, my parents know it and deep down – I, usually, even do.

In the words of Taylor Swift…

“I knew you were trouble when you walked in….”

But this is probably one of the first times I’ve felt SO disrespected and we were barely IN a relationship.  If you can even call it that.

I’ve been the trophy girlfriend, the sugar mama, the young girl, the older woman but never have I EVER been treated so much like an object, a possession and I refuse to be associated to ANY male who treats women like a piece of meat – asking me to come and go as THEY please like a hooker.  At least prostitutes get paid, I just end up feeling used.   I’m glad I haven’t given in but I can’t believe he thinks he can be king and order me around.

“You wanna play, you wanna stay, you wanna have it all
You started messing with my head until I hit a wall
But even if the stars and moon collide
I never want you back into my life
You can take your words and all your lies
Oh oh oh I really don’t care”

I’m the Queen around here.  Bow down to me.
Treat me like a Lady and I’ll treat you like a man.
If not, you’re worse than scum and you’ll get what’s coming to ya.

“Ooh, you called me up again tonight
But ooh, this time I’m telling you, I’m telling you
We are never, ever, ever getting back together””

Just be you… a New Chapter in Life

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight,
Not a footprint to be seen.
A kingdom of isolation and it looks like I’m the queen.
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside.
Couldn’t keep it in, Heaven knows I tried.

Don’t let them in, don’t let them see,
Be the good girl you always have to be.
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know.
Well, now they know.

It’s funny how some distance makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me can’t get to me at all.
Up here in the cold thin air I finally can breathe.
I know I left a life behind but I’m too relieved to grieve.

Standing frozen
In the life I’ve chosen.
You won’t find me.
The past is all behind me
Buried in the snow.

Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn my back and slam the door
And here I stand, and here I’ll stay
Let it go, let it go
The cold never bothered me anyway

True Happiness

“The saddest people I’ve ever met in life are the ones who don’t care deeply about anything at all. Passion and satisfaction go hand in hand, and without them, any happiness is only temporary, because there’s nothing to make it last.” 
― Nicholas Sparks, Dear John

I feel like a lot of people don’t realize this.  It’s not even just how I “feel” but what I observe.  Happiness IS so temporary. Money, material possessions, superficiality…. what happens when all of that goes away? Knowing what you love, what you want – that’s a big deal. Love, family, friends – that’s what’s important.  Dreams and goals… going for them, THAT is true sunshine in life.  So many people wander aimlessly through their lives thinking they’re living the dream, but in truth it’s just a temporary thing.  A facade.  As I grow older, I realize that I don’t need all that extra BS in my life.  Doing what I love, being with who I love and loving myself is the most important thing – never forget that and you will be the happiest person, truly.

When is enough enough?

Have I lost all my followers from my lack of posting and not so much posting of my fooding and eating adventures? You can go to my instagram and twitter and facebook for that.   More and more, which is less and less of posting, but these posts have been more personal.  Life wise, things have been good – I miss Taiwan, I’ve been hanging with my awesome friends a lot who remind me how awesome and loved I am and are/have been super supportive. Thanksgiving was amazing.  I had a post but I didn’t post it this year – some things got in the way [ha!] I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, growing, changing – you’re gonna see a lot out of me in the next month.. and obviously 2014. Big things are coming my way, I can feel it and I know it.

I’m currently in discussion with an old co-worker about starting up our own new company and I just started the most amazing site with two badass friends :] Yep, already things are going my way. And why? Cuz I made a choice in my life.  And this JUST happened.  In the past month or two I’ve been hesitant and back and forth and then suddenly [things happened] and I was like FUCK THAT. FUCK THIS. I’m doing this. I’m not getting any younger and my thoughts and ideas and dreams and hopes and MY life ain’t gonna happen til I make it happen. So BOOM.

Tonight I want to talk about “When is enough, enough?!” Okay, maybe not so cheery in the holiday seasons but I promise to post something “cheerier” soon…. maybe. I’m nice, but not that nice.

DEAL.

I’ve spent my entire life making other people happy. From what I do, to how I eat [ok fine I love food but why do I have to prove to you that I can eat 3 roast chickens in a row, nonstop? FUCK YOU I just want a drumstick]… drink [yes I can drink more than you, I don’t need to prove it to you – next time you try it I’ll  just puke all over you on PURPOSE] —- it started with yes mom yes dad I do this I do that. I get my A’s for you, I don’t do anything naughty, I don’t even wear fucking tank tops. SLUTTY CLOTHES. HAHA. Slowly in college I grew into myself but even after I struggled.  And with every relationship I did.

In my last relationship I rebelled.. severely.  My family was super against it but I did it anyways.  Finally something for me.  But I lived it, learned it.  And now I’m in a relationship of my choice. Living it. Learning it. [That’s all I’m saying for now]

ANYWAYS.  What I’m learning? When is enough, ENOUGH?

I’ve been talking a lot to my good friend K and his wife M and he’s known me for awhile and he also made me realize that I haven’t been ME. Doing things for me. Showing ME.  I’m always too busy changing for others and supporting others.  I have dreams and hopes and they’re on the back burner.  I sacrifice just to get burned.  And in the end…. what do I get out of it? Tears.. heartbreak… anger. Lots of anger.  And just sadness. Not sad that I know it’s no good for me, but sad that once again I was stupid and didn’t realize earlier that I deserved better.  That I am better.  But I’ve been around people that I love, care about and that I can be openly honest with without feeling guilty in the past few weeks and I just feel like a completely new person.  I also feel like throwing up.  But I can feel a glow coming out of me.

Love me for me, cuz I do.  And from now on, RESPECT.

Cuz Enough is enough!

Seriously? How is this Racist? It’s a CHOCOLATE ad!

Apparently Naomi Campbell finds this Cadbury ad racist…. shouldn’t it just make you want a bite of creamy yummy chocolate? I want to be compared to some delicious goodness too…

Naomi contends that ad offensively likens her to chocolate: “It’s upsetting to be described as chocolate, not just for me, but for all black women and black people. I do not find any humour in this. It is insulting and hurtful.” Cadbury maintains that the ad was meant to be “a light-hearted take on the social pretensions of Cadbury Dairy Milk Bliss,” but has since pulled it.

Meanwhile, Campbell continues to pursue “every option available” to her, including a possible lawsuit — and maybe a fist fight…

 Seriously Naomi? What about this?

Taken by LaChapelle back in December 1999 for Playboy… or iss this completely different as to being linked to chocolate?!

Reasonable minds certainly differ on this, but to me, the ad isn’t likening Naomi to “chocolate.” It’s saying that both Naomi and Cadbury Bliss are pampered divas. An analogous ad might be one with a picture of an old school plastic Sony Walkman with the strap line “Even Jackie couldn’t chop this in half.” Is that subtly racist? I don’t think so, but then again I’m probably not as primed to see anti-black or anti-Asian (for example) sentiment in media as someone who is black or of Asian descent, respectively. But give me a Mel Gibson movie, and I’d be delighted to point out the anti-Semitism.

True, Cadbury could have picked a white first-name-only diva for the ad, like Madonna or Celine or even Posh, but none of these epic narcissists come anywhere close to having Naomi’s reputation as a fit-throwing hellcat. That’s how the public knows that the diva Naomi referred to in the ad is Campbell and not Judd, Watts, or Naomi from Lost. Bitch is banned from British Airways for life, for chrissakes. But point taken that there is something unsavory about picking a black woman to name in an ad for chocolate.

Others around the web see the Naomi ad as patently offensive and cite Cadbury’s #fail track recordfor putting out ads that many consider racist and stereotypical. In one case, the UK’s Advertising Standards Authority launched a formal investigation into a particular Cadbury ad, which it found employed “harmful stereotypes” and offensive imagery. Yeah. NOT GREAT.

Given Cadbury’s troubling ad history, maybe the Naomi ad is not as innocent as it may first appear. In that case, Cadbury needs to do more than pull the ad, bat its eyes, and proclaim that it “would never produce any marketing activity we felt might cause offense to any section of society.” It needs to apologize to the public and also to Naomi, who has worked tirelessly to promote inclusiveness in the fashion word and beyond. She certainly doesn’t need some antiquated candy company belittling her by calling her “chocolate.”

– Read more here…

So dumb. I actually ended up writing a lot more about this but I don’t want some stupid racist debate on this topic.  It’s an ad that’s all in good fun, if I were her and wanted to start a fight she should’ve been upset that they were making fun of her for being, and obviously, a diva.  At least they didn’t say something about throwing her cell phone on assistants…  like “Bitchier than Naomi” har har har. Diva is just a nicer way of saying it – way to take something totally out of context. Just be a glamourous bitch diva and own it dahhhling.  BESIDES… she does have chocolatey deliciously beautiful skin :] Nothing wrong with that comparison, it’s a luscious description.