Birthday, Life sometimes sucks, Stay positive!!!

And for all those who knows me, I literally celebrate all freaking month!  I’d say it all started with going to me buying myself Yankees vs Red Sox tickets, 3rd row VIP 5 Seconds of Summer tickets and amazing One Direction tickets.  Hey if I can’t get a guy to take care of me, I can do it myself.

SO the original plan was Napa Valley.  But a few things came up (family stuff) so I’ll have to celebrate here in Massachusetts.  Hey, I’m not getting any younger so might as well do it up the fun way. Dave & Buster’s in Woburn.  So anytime after 3pm please feel free to come by… it’ll probably for awhile….thinking of a place for dinner, but it may be intimate or just not necessary :]

Dave & Buster’s
271 Mishawum Road, Woburn, MA 01801
(781) 496-4900

Anytime after 3PM – May post about brunch or watch twitter or FB about earlier…..

Recently I have been letting a lot of negativity go in my life and focusing of the positive… I’ve been having  relaxing days at work, thought things through, meditated a bit and all the negativity in me just rushed out. I am at peace and one with myself.  Emptied. (Or wait maybe I’m just literally empty and hungry right now) So in light of that some happy things.

– For example, my bestie, my sister, Kate’s dad, which is like my second dad, has been very ill and in and out of the hospital – she created the cutest CUTEST website for him Papa’s Mickey.  Although not the happiest thing and I wish he wasn’t so sick but we are gonna stay as positive as possible!!!!!

Modern Dauphine is now… sort of running now… we just need to get all the podcasting and store up.  And go from not just blogging to a full blown interactive social website.  But we do have an instagram now as well.  Check out my 20 Questions.

– I am also doing that for my own personal website as well.  So look forward to that.  That are a lot of old posts that the photos are all messed up and stuff so I’ll be keeping some good ones, fixing them or just leaving them on here as an “archive” for people to check out, I kind of want to start fresh and new. I have a great team helping me out with this project. I finally have my “image” created – I drew me, in vector, instead of just regular photography – for now – to not “sex it up” too much – for now, I have a few wanting to do me but it seems sketchy or just money grubbing. Haha.  Plus I do really good photo editing so what’s the point?  But don’t worry, this blog will still be open.

– Not so positive, but still better than before: I need to get my health better… my vitamin D deficiency is out of control but at least I’m controlling the anemia well.  The doctors are also concerned about the weight loss but I am at a loss for words (no pun intended) for why I just have less appetite and why I can’t seem to keep my nutrients in.  I’m thinking of getting tested for celiac. So after 14 vials of blood… they still got nothing… except my vitamin D level is…. 8!  Normal is 30-100. I have 8. So now I’m on a high dosage of it.  Like 50,000 MG or something.  Why is my body not absorbing it?

– And what is going on is so ridiculous you can’t even imagine.  I’m supposed to be halfway to sleepy never never land and yet I get THIS happening to me. OH WAIT! If I post it, he’ll say, yup HE WILL SAY, that I just want attention – but wait, I get attention without doing anything. Probably what he wants. SO. I will just say a guy I was interested in was, once again, not who he claimed or posed to be.  Getting insulting emails in the middle of the night was not what I signed up for.  Neither were insecure guys I had to sugar mama to. YES. That was just said. Hey maybe I do just want “attention with guys”  He promises to reply to me but doesn’t.  Apparently “our relationship” keeps getting in the way of his workouts and his “work”. HA! You’re just lucky I’m not bitchy enough yet to say who you are.

– Went to a 5th Red Sox game. So far for me, 2 out of 5 losses.  But it was a good game.  FU Chicago, I love you but you beat us 10 – 8 Monday. It’s cuz I didn’t eat my hot dog, right?!  Or I didn’t wear my Red Sox undies.

Stay Positive

Lastly, before I forget, I’m gonna start doing pre-taped AND live broadcasts of my podcast.  So let me know your thought.  Live will be mainly night ones or surprise ones.  I’ll have pre-taped topics that will be posted weekly.  Also I will be going back to youtube vlogging and social camming again.  And if you haven’t added me on the app Periscope yet, you should, I’m starting to go on it once every day or two :]

And I leave you with 5 Seconds of Summer‘s newest song “She’s Kinda Hot” – Concert countdown – 35 Days <3 Woot

And last, but not least: Life, love, energy is never black and white… or shades of gray – it’s colors of all spectrum, and in my case, the freaking neon bright rainbow.  Enjoy what you get and cherish it – It won’t be around forever.

I feel like I need to post a food post soon….

So recently I’ve been having horrible Nightmares (Read with caution)

I’ve been having crazy, violent, too-detailed nightmares lately.  I forgot the night’s before – just that I woke up screaming but nothing came out – but last night’s took the cake.  I’ll be nice and give you a PG-13 version of it.

After getting a new house my family and I decided to have a party.  Afterwards there was cleanup and some people still stayed after dark, some left. The last of us decided to take a walk around the new neighborhood only to come home to find that the front door was unlocked and open.

Thinking it was my mother, who was out with a group of girlfriends we, I think it was my dad, one of his friends,  and maybe a friend of mine, we went inside. The house was a mess.  An unidentifiable man dressed in, basically, a gray “human condom” came out from my room on the second floor, threw my camera at me and lurked back into my room.

The images on my camera were so disturbing, they were of people sleeping and him slowly torturing and killing them off.  He went through my private diaries and love letters and just took photos of everything.  He was basically slowly hiding and sneaking around my house slowly killing off anyone and everyone for no reason.  I hid Didi in the closet with a blanket and she had never been so quiet in her life.

The rest of the night was almost a blur of us trying to defend ourselves.  I had to watch family, friends, boyfriend, even people I hardly knew get murdered in devastating ways in front of me.  And for some reason, I also knew he was leaving me for last – like he had some personal vendetta against me and wanted me to suffer as much as I could.  I finally had the chance to run out of the house, my mom and her friends found me and tried to also cover for me.  I finally found a place to hide (after several tries, he just always knew where I was) and call the police telling them to make as little noise as possible to come and save whoever was left.

By the end there was a sniper and a neighbor with a shotgun hiding while the killer just sat on the couch, teasing me.  He got extremely agitated when he realized there were new people there… tons of shots and a smoke bomb went off and he was finally dead.  As was everyone around me.  Tons of swat and police finally got there as the smoke cleared and my house looked like a massacre, I was covered in tears and blood.

No one was found alive. I just remember crying to one officer just saying “Why why why?” over again… as I held Didi in my arms.  She was all I had left.

In the end I had written a book about it and called it “What is a feather?”  The first half was the story of that night.  The second half was popup art called “Sad loving memories”  And it was drawing I made of all the loved ones who died and my last moments and memories of them.  The last one was a popup of Didi titled “The one who survived”

At the end was the killer saying some quote like “In the end even the last feather is the last remaining hope” So I had changed Didi’s name to Feather. She was the only one that survived in my life.  My hope.

The end of my dream was a gruesome image of the killer’s head crudely sewn back on with thick black thread – crooked and off to the side, with a chilling smile and extra eyes sewn into his face.  Like he was always watching.  I can’t shake it off.  It’s 5pm and I still can’t eat a thing.

Anyone know any good dream analysis people?  Lately my dreams are so real I wake up and for a few moments I can’t even tell if it really happened or not.  And it’s terrifying.

Heart beats fast Colors and promises How to be brave? How can I love when I’m afraid to fall? But watching you stand alone, All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow. One step closer I have died every day waiting for you Darling, don’t be afraid I have loved you For a thousand years […]

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11200638_790696456549_8179832847872868698_n[Continue reading...]

Bullet Holes

Hurtful words, gossip, lies and assumptions are like bullet holes to your heart and your soul.  I try to tune it all out but unfortunately they haven’t come out with a medicinal cream, pill, or as said,  a band-aid to help it heal, make it hurt less or recover.  Time is time is time and […]

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Painting soothes my soul

IMG_4491

So I woke up this morning dazed and confused.  I actually have a happy post that I wrote that I may post before or after this.  But since a lot of you think I DON’T work for a living or I just eat for a living….. I don’t. I do work.  And then for those […]

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“Let Her Go”

Well you only need the light when it’s burning low Only miss the sun when it starts to snow Only know you love her when you let her go Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low Only hate the road when you’re missin’ home Only know you love her when you let her […]

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Feeling down…..

I don’t know why my mood changed so dramatically….. yesterday was such a much needed relaxing beach day… Not sure why I brought so many towels. Note the Austin Mahone one hahaha. The water was cold but not so bad as last year.  I can’t believe it’s the end of July and I finally just […]

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I’m Over It

This is all crap.

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Are we in the clear yet? – T.S.

Why do I have the old Spiderman cartoon theme song stuck in my head? No idea.  It’s annoying and entertaining me at the same time, must turn on some good tunes… I’ve been in a funk of a mood all day and just feeling stupid, with no one to blame but myself that right now […]

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