And so I sit here…

It’s 3:02AM EST time and I’m sitting here watching tv marathons and movies on iTunes and Netflix.  I just finished off a bowl of homemade nachos and guacamole and I’m about to go warm up some more spicy pulled pork I made earlier.  Has this become my life?  This could be the wine talking, or the wandering mind thinking… but this is definitely not where I thought I would be… a year ago, two, three, five, ten? What has happened?

It’s funny how things work. Weight gain made me sad. But I gained weight cuz I’ve been happy. But the weight gain makes me not want to move… so while I eat less, I move less. I’m still not happy with my body. But that could just be my eating disorder talking.  Always in recovery, never fully recovered.

You guys have been with me through so many ups and downs and yet you remain loyal.  So much gratitude.  Love, lust, heartbreaks. Breakdowns and highs. Parties and mournings.

The past year I have been basically mostly living in Taiwan and I’ve forgotten my love for cooking, almost.  I stopped caring a lot about things I used to be so passionate about and I have no real explanation for it… but it’s recently sparked up again.

I cooked duck the other day. And today I had a pulled pork burrito/taco night with pomegranate guacamole, spicy mango pico de gallo with roasted garlic and corn and an extremely spicy salsa verde… along with some yummy gooey blue corn chip nachos.  I started to feel alive again.  I started a cooking idea journal/notebook again…. mainly b/c I was planning to cook for C on his birthday… and while things got in the way, I still got MAD IDEAS to play on.

SO…. I have ideas of doing supper parties.  [And have talked with a chef friend or two about doing pop ups] – I want to, once I move out, host supper/dinner parties, first once a month, and then possibly once a week.  People can BYOB and tell me their diets…. or just leave it up to me.  Hopefully soon after team, up with chefs and cool wine people.

I have so many ambitions and ideas… I want to write, I want to travel, I want to cook, I want to go back to school…. and I want to film it all. I have a secret thing about wanting to be in front of a camera.

So maybe this is how this blog is evolving.  It went from food diary to healthy eating and recipes to eating out and traveling extravagantly …. and then just personal…. me finding my inner peace…. healing and now this.  My lifestyle. Ever evolving.

This blog is now: Finding the real Miss Tiffie.

Please join me in my journey.

Beautiful Changes

It’s strange the people you encounter in life. Some short lived and some long term…. both, unexpected. People I thought would always be in my life are now strangers to me, and those I thought would just be merely an acquaintance are now people I could not live without.

I have friends who I thought would be forever and now they have abandoned me. And yet, I meet new people who are the closest people I have ever come to be with. The more I am learning about my spirituality and becoming more and more in touch with my new sense, I have learned so much, grown so much, and believe in so much more in life, love, hope, gain, and trust.

Things can change in a blink of an eye, but always appreciate what you have in the present…. and always look optimistically towards the future. The future is what keeps us going. And once you find a great person to keep in your life… don’t take it for granted. I may have “few” but I feel “richer” and “greater” for them being in my life than I ever have.

For all the crap I have been through in my years…. I take it as what brought me to where I am today. They were tests and lessons I had to do to get me to where I am. And I regret nothing. I have let it all go, I’ve forgiven all who have wronged me, and mostly, I have forgiven myself and all the hate and sorrow I have had built up in me.

I have had many ups and downs in my life. Super highs and super lows. Days where I wanted to die, and even tried and days where I was on top of the world. I’ve dealt with several illnesses, mentally, physically, and emotionally. But I’ve conquered, and I am still conquering them all. I am so positive at this point in life. Where I am. Where I’ll be. I just want to tell the world, that while I usually represent one part of me on the internet, there is the other side of me too. We all suffer, we all have our demons, and we can all kill them, recover, be better, be our own heroes.

Never give up hope. Know that you are always loved, and there is always a way out of a dark place. Do what you can to help others do keep yourself in a positive place. I volunteer, help my friends, do what I can do those who are having a harder time than me…. just like those who were there for me every time I was in a dark low place. Be positive. Keep that smile. Stay in the sunshine, even when it’s raining.

I posted this the other day on my facebook [did a few typo/grammar editing on here]