Back to you….

I just don’t get it… why are people just liars and cheaters and fakes.  I am so sick of it.  People are so freaking selfish and I can’t stand it.  And I don’t know why I always forgive them and go back to them……………..  maybe I’m just that much broken.

Why do people say “sorry” when they don’t even mean it?  And why do people still fall for it?  It’s a never ending circle, it’s saddening, heartbreaking and yet inevitable and it just happens over and over again.  When will the cycle end?  For the lucky ones, it doesn’t happen, or it happens once or twice.  But for people like me, I shouldn’t have picked up that penny the wrong side up, it’s the story of my life.

At times, I just don’t know how to feel anymore.  Numb, I’ve said before, just numb.

I accept all of my problems and disorders and “crazy” that I have… and I feel like everyone in my life does too… well mostly… the true ones.  The ones who love me and accept me for who I am.

“I love it, I hate it…”  Guess I’m just a masochistic. LOL.

Like I’ve said before, I’ve got a Jet Black Heart.

[Bebe Rexha:]
I know you say you know me, know me well
But these days I don’t even know myself, no
I always thought I’d be with someone else
I thought I would own the way I felt, yeah

I call you but you never even answer
I tell myself I’m done with wicked games
But then I get so numb with all the laughter
That I forget about the pain

Whoah, you stress me out, you kill me
You drag me down, you fuck me up
We’re on the ground, we’re screaming
I don’t know how to make it stop
I love it, I hate it, and I can’t take it
But I keep on coming back to you

[Louis Tomlinson:]
I know my friends they give me bad advice
Like move on, get you out my mind
But don’t you think I haven’t even tried
You got me cornered and my hands are tied

[Louis Tomlinson & Bebe Rexha:]
You got me so addicted to the drama
I tell myself I’m done with wicked games
But then I get so numb with all the laughter
That I forget about the pain

[Louis Tomlinson:]
Whoah, you stress me out, you kill me
You drag me down, you fuck me up
We’re on the ground, we’re screaming
I don’t know how to make it stop
I love it, I hate it, and I can’t take it
But I keep on coming back to you (back to you)
Oh, no, no, I just keep on coming back to you (back to you)
Oh, no, no, I just keep on coming back to you

And I guess you’ll never know
All the bullshit that you put me through
And I guess you’ll never know, no

[Bebe Rexha & Louis Tomlinson:]
Yeah, so you can cut me up and kiss me harder
You can be the pill to ease the pain
‘Cause I know I’m addicted to your drama
Baby, here we go again

Whoah, you stress me out, you kill me
You drag me down, you fuck me up
We’re on the ground, we’re screaming
I don’t know how to make it stop
I love it, I hate it, and I can’t take it
But I keep on coming back to you (back to you)
Oh, no, no, I just keep on coming back to you (back to you)
Oh, no, no, I just keep on coming back to you
Back to you
I just keep on coming back to you

Excess Flesh: a good look at the truth of eating disorders thru a crazy awesome movie

The first time I watched this movie I was just in for the horror and the gore… I had no idea it would hit me this much.  Being a recovered anorexic/bulimic I ended up being obsessed with this movie and looking up as many reviews as possible.  But yet, no one had the same perspective that I had on this movie… and no one interpreted it the same way I did.

Jennifer, a skinny sexy model who can eat whatever she wants and not gain weight, is best friends with Jill, a normal sized chick who ends who binging and purging or starving for days… they are roommates and it’s a messed up relationship.

Jennifer is extroverted and sleeps around a lot while Jill is introverted and prefers to stay at home all day, but is an extra agent cook.  While Jennifer gorges on junk food, Jill starves herself all day until the middle of the night – which leads to regret, chewing and spitting, or purging. 

The friendship is very vioiatle and it focuses on people chewing and eating a lot – which, is actually quite disgusting. 

To me, unaccording to other critics and receivers… I believe that Jill and Jennifer are the same person. Jennifer is Jill’s inner “hungry” girl… while Jill is Jennifer’s inner “fat” girl (although they definitely did not chose an overweight actress to play the part)

There are lots of weird forced food and eating moments during the movie. Jill even locked Jennifer up and she escapes but the cops don’t even act like they are two people, just one… therefore why I think they ARE one person.

In the end, after she’s supposedly “dead”, Jennifer shows up to a casting call and they even say something of the likes of “oh it’s her again”… which makes me even more sure that that Jennifer and Jill are the same person.

I duno. Thoughts?

“I’ll walk right up to you and put one finger in the air”

I have one less problem without you

I’ve always been attracted to the wrong guys…. my friends know it, my parents know it and deep down – I, usually, even do.

In the words of Taylor Swift…

“I knew you were trouble when you walked in….”

But this is probably one of the first times I’ve felt SO disrespected and we were barely IN a relationship.  If you can even call it that.

I’ve been the trophy girlfriend, the sugar mama, the young girl, the older woman but never have I EVER been treated so much like an object, a possession and I refuse to be associated to ANY male who treats women like a piece of meat – asking me to come and go as THEY please like a hooker.  At least prostitutes get paid, I just end up feeling used.   I’m glad I haven’t given in but I can’t believe he thinks he can be king and order me around.

“You wanna play, you wanna stay, you wanna have it all
You started messing with my head until I hit a wall
But even if the stars and moon collide
I never want you back into my life
You can take your words and all your lies
Oh oh oh I really don’t care”

I’m the Queen around here.  Bow down to me.
Treat me like a Lady and I’ll treat you like a man.
If not, you’re worse than scum and you’ll get what’s coming to ya.

“Ooh, you called me up again tonight
But ooh, this time I’m telling you, I’m telling you
We are never, ever, ever getting back together””