Excess Flesh: a good look at the truth of eating disorders thru a crazy awesome movie

The first time I watched this movie I was just in for the horror and the gore… I had no idea it would hit me this much.  Being a recovered anorexic/bulimic I ended up being obsessed with this movie and looking up as many reviews as possible.  But yet, no one had the same perspective that I had on this movie… and no one interpreted it the same way I did.

Jennifer, a skinny sexy model who can eat whatever she wants and not gain weight, is best friends with Jill, a normal sized chick who ends who binging and purging or starving for days… they are roommates and it’s a messed up relationship.

Jennifer is extroverted and sleeps around a lot while Jill is introverted and prefers to stay at home all day, but is an extra agent cook.  While Jennifer gorges on junk food, Jill starves herself all day until the middle of the night – which leads to regret, chewing and spitting, or purging. 

The friendship is very vioiatle and it focuses on people chewing and eating a lot – which, is actually quite disgusting. 

To me, unaccording to other critics and receivers… I believe that Jill and Jennifer are the same person. Jennifer is Jill’s inner “hungry” girl… while Jill is Jennifer’s inner “fat” girl (although they definitely did not chose an overweight actress to play the part)

There are lots of weird forced food and eating moments during the movie. Jill even locked Jennifer up and she escapes but the cops don’t even act like they are two people, just one… therefore why I think they ARE one person.

In the end, after she’s supposedly “dead”, Jennifer shows up to a casting call and they even say something of the likes of “oh it’s her again”… which makes me even more sure that that Jennifer and Jill are the same person.

I duno. Thoughts?

And so I sit here…

It’s 3:02AM EST time and I’m sitting here watching tv marathons and movies on iTunes and Netflix.  I just finished off a bowl of homemade nachos and guacamole and I’m about to go warm up some more spicy pulled pork I made earlier.  Has this become my life?  This could be the wine talking, or the wandering mind thinking… but this is definitely not where I thought I would be… a year ago, two, three, five, ten? What has happened?

It’s funny how things work. Weight gain made me sad. But I gained weight cuz I’ve been happy. But the weight gain makes me not want to move… so while I eat less, I move less. I’m still not happy with my body. But that could just be my eating disorder talking.  Always in recovery, never fully recovered.

You guys have been with me through so many ups and downs and yet you remain loyal.  So much gratitude.  Love, lust, heartbreaks. Breakdowns and highs. Parties and mournings.

The past year I have been basically mostly living in Taiwan and I’ve forgotten my love for cooking, almost.  I stopped caring a lot about things I used to be so passionate about and I have no real explanation for it… but it’s recently sparked up again.

I cooked duck the other day. And today I had a pulled pork burrito/taco night with pomegranate guacamole, spicy mango pico de gallo with roasted garlic and corn and an extremely spicy salsa verde… along with some yummy gooey blue corn chip nachos.  I started to feel alive again.  I started a cooking idea journal/notebook again…. mainly b/c I was planning to cook for C on his birthday… and while things got in the way, I still got MAD IDEAS to play on.

SO…. I have ideas of doing supper parties.  [And have talked with a chef friend or two about doing pop ups] – I want to, once I move out, host supper/dinner parties, first once a month, and then possibly once a week.  People can BYOB and tell me their diets…. or just leave it up to me.  Hopefully soon after team, up with chefs and cool wine people.

I have so many ambitions and ideas… I want to write, I want to travel, I want to cook, I want to go back to school…. and I want to film it all. I have a secret thing about wanting to be in front of a camera.

So maybe this is how this blog is evolving.  It went from food diary to healthy eating and recipes to eating out and traveling extravagantly …. and then just personal…. me finding my inner peace…. healing and now this.  My lifestyle. Ever evolving.

This blog is now: Finding the real Miss Tiffie.

Please join me in my journey.

FU

I lol’d

I got two letters for you

One of them is F
The other one is U

Just Believe…

It is so nice to be acknowledged of my growing skills.  Ever since learning I had a gift, my life has improved so much.  My close friends and family also see it within me, as has my teacher.  I’m praying more, meditating more, work has gone better than ever for me.  My health is doing better, my belief and my positivity has grown.

Before I had a kind heart, but a hurt one, a broken one and it took growing my gift to truly heal it.  Before I could smile on the outside but would be crying on the inside… but not I smile from within, and I can feel the warmth and the glow.

Today I did a reading for my dad, he was a bit reluctant at first but then he caved in.  He asked me questions only he had answers to and I answered them all correctly.  He now believes.  I also asked to heal a body part of his and prayed for Archangel Raphael, one who heals the body and health, to come to his side and to help him.  After the reading I was stunned that not only was, the usual Gabriel and Michael by my side but so was Raphael.  He had come to me when I called for him.

The more you believe.  The more you learn.  The more I open up my heart and my mind to the angels and the spirits I let them speak to me, talk to me, through me and the more I can help myself and others.

This card, also related to Arielle’s.  I am so glad that the angels are telling me that I have a gift.  I have only tried communication with the departed for a little while, but I also feel like “departed” loves ones also mean those who are not waling on earth, meaning all spiritual things around me.

There have been a few challenges that have come up but I have been strong and have been trying to beat through them.  It’s tiresome, hurtful and sometimes I just want to give up, but I know that I shouldn’t and deep down I don’t.  I was told, only I can help and make this work… to help heal a wounded soul is difficult.  But it’s a challenge I am willing to take on.

Oh ho ho. New people in my life, eh?  Today I did a tarot reading, a new way, with my teacher and my card came out as Lovers.  Will this be the year that I find “The One” and not the oh constantly “Wrong One”? Haha.  We shall see, but this card makes me smile.

But like I always say, it’ll come to you.  Yo don’t need to seek it out.  But I am always open to new, good, people in my life.

XOXO

Thursday, July 27 2016… All is well… I’m on the right path 

I’ve never had Archangel Metatron as one of the angels that I counted on [I think Supernatural might have been an influence haha]  But I do need to clean my chakras lately since a lot of negativity has been TRYING to influence me.  They haven’t, but they have latched up onto me.

It feels good to feel safe.  Worrying can take over someone’s life and change them completely…  I have recently taken upon a lot of new ventures in jobs and opportunities which may get crazy busy, but I absolutely love it.

Oh my Angel Gabrielle…. always there for me.  I don’t have much more to say than yes, I have my insecurities… I am scared sometimes and I have my doubts, but I know that I can trust on my angels, and especially my guardian angel, to help me out.

This just reinforces the fact that me taking on all of these new ventures was a great thing for me.  I just had a long day of work…. and just finished up some work on Blue Lotus.  I am extremely excited and I just have so many ideas and things I wanna do for the company!

I have not been afraid to express what I want for us and my lovely partner is so great to taking it in and accepting my advice and help.  This is the best partnership to happen and… seriously?!… We be #ladybosses or is it #bossladies?  Either way… Just doing what I wanna do, cuz I gotta do.  All of it.

#DoYouBlue?

This does happen a lot, and thank you for letting me being aware.  This happens a lot, it’s definitely something one should always think about.  Sometimes your mind can be clouded by the good advice that is right in front of your face.  Whatever it is that you want, go for it.  Don’t just always think about it, truly go for it, and it will come to you.

I know. I am your example. [insert me in a weird photo]

This is my spiritual gifts.  And it has been helping me a lot.  Learning that I have a lot more to me than I ever thought I have is jut an amazing thing.I can get what I want by knowing what I want, going for what I want, and REALLY going for it. Nothing can stop me.  I know it, NOTHING EVER can stop me.  And whoever tries to get in my way, be warned.

Learning all about the readings, healings and opening up to my natural gift has changed my life forever. I am more in touch with my spirituality, I don’t get mad, I might still wanna get even, but the anger has gone…. the hatred has lifted…. those are just petty things to me that are not worth my valuable time on this earth.

When I am upset, I go to my readings, my cards, my bible, my crystals… or I’ll message my teacher/mentor to talk to.  I am so grateful and thankful for my special gifts, it’s something I always felt in touch with since I was a young child, and I’m glad someone finally saw that in me and wanted to teach me how to use my “powers”.

I get what I want.  Because I deserve it.

This is the best card I’ve gotten today… “Look Inside Yourself” this is the first time I’ve used my fairy cards [I think, at least posted about it] and they are spot on.  I always have lived my life for others… and those others never cared for me.  I’ve lost so much time and life on not living just for me.  I am living for me… I’ve been looking inside myself and seeing WHT I want and going straight for it.  I have goals, and you should too.  Don’t forget to trust your gut instinct and don’t forget that YOU are IMPORTANT too, and even more so.

Look inside yourself…. and love yourself.

Change. Practice. Progress. Action.

It has been quite a change lately.  Since I have moved back to America, I totally changed… it really hit me, especially with all the drama that came with it afterward.

Change. Change.  Change.  It’s such a great thing, change.  I used to joke about how “I don’t like change” but in fact, I love it.  It was a joke to me because I love tradition, but not BAD “tradition”.  Negativity is a no-no, especially now that I’ve found my own voice.

And now, after spending a month and a half in Taiwan re-finding my spirituality, healing my soul, my past, and learning my new gift… I came back to Boston with so many new things.  Not only do I design, and do readings for people, I am now Co-CEO of Blue Lotus with one of my longest besties!

I am a whole new person, and a very go-go-get it one.

Practice makes Perfect, isn’t that what people always say?  So I’m just working hard at my new ventures.  Not only just job wise but even spirituality.  Do what  you do and do it well… get it done.  Just go for what you want, go for it, go for it, go for it, and you will get to it!

It’s crazy, I got this card again in the past few days… but it’s true.  It’s telling me that my progress is good, but I still have to keep going step by step.  I can’t rush it at all.

Honestly it was really crazy that these cards kept talking to me today.  And they are all related.  I just know, I need to know what I want and go for it, head on.  Slow and steady, we will always reach our goals!…. YES GOALS!  Don’t ever just have one goal in life, have many…. constantly…. and always go for them…. and even when you reach one, add another goal.  Or else, what is the point in life?

I dated a guy before, and he told me that he was content where he was.  No goals, told me I’d always be the breadwinner.  REALLY? Ultimately, I broke up with him on our anniversary.  Always have goals, always reach to be better, always DO BETTER!  You are great, but there is always a better you, even the Dalai Lama can improve.  And I’m sure, if questioned, he would say it too.

I hate drama and it does hurt my confidence.  I am blessed to be constantly surrounded by people who live by amazing honest lives.  Maturity.  Honesty.  Selflessness.  They remind me that people can be good and gracious… loving, caring, even despite all of the disasters in my life.  I forgive.  I strive to be one just like them…

I need to be me.  I am me.  Love me for me.  Accept who I am.  Because I do.

This is a secret joke between my “teacher/mentor” and I.  She had a student who always spent too much money when they got this card.  We had a chuckle.  Thanks, Archangel Metatron for reminded me of my love for children [and possibly spending too much money? FYI, I didn’t spend a cent today LOL] I say this has a lot to do with me and my furbaby Didi today.  We had a lot of time together today.  I love her, just like I would love all my babies.  Just like I adore all children.

OK it’s not midnight yet, hopefully I don’t buy anything online, HAHAHAHAHA.

XOXO

ps. I’m so hungry :[

Slowly and steady wins the race.

Today I picked the Clairsentience card.  Archangel Raguel said to me to “Notice your recurring physical and emotional feelings, as they signify Divine guidance.”  It makes made me super aware of my surroundings, things I constantly do over and over again, feelings and emotions, and also the actions of those around me and how it affected me.

It was important to constantly be aware of what’s around you at all times and what is going on.  Staying away from the negative will keep you in positivity – and never forget that you are constantly being watched over and guided spiritually.

Over a month ago, I was so full of negativity energy I couldn’t see clearly.  I was in such a bad place in my life and even took on everyone else close in my life’s negative energy, despite the outside smiles I was breaking inside and weighed down, but once I purged all of it out of my life – I literally feel lighter.  I was just so much more positive and happy in my life.

Slowly and steady wins the race.  I feel like my trip to Taiwan has really let me grow, change a lot, for the better.  I’m so much stronger of a person now and while I’m still on this journey since I’ve been back, I’m going in the right direction.

Step by step. Inch by inch.  No matter the crawl…. the more you go forward the farther you get in life.

Sorry I had to. Love you guys <3 NKOTB

Just go for it!

I’ve got things planned out.  And I did go for it, and having been… I am ready to continue down my path into my bright future!  I am so excited to see what is ahead of me.  My life has been so on track since my last relationship ended.  I found myself again, healed all that was built up inside of me, grew stronger and more determined than ever to do what I want.  I learned what I want, what I don’t want, and what I deserve.  I’m going outside of my comfort zone, my mother and I’s relationship has gotten a million times better, and I am  more focused than I ever have been on all the things I want in my life, to accomplish.

It may have taken me awhile to figure it out.  Even when I knew it was what I should do, it took a long time for it to knock me in the head. Go for it. Go for it. JUST GO FOR IT!  And if you fail, don’t lose faith.  You have to keep on believing… and keep on going.  Determination can’t stop you.  Only you can stop you.

img_6568

It’s funny that the Angel card I pulled today was also to tell me to “Do it now” Does that mean just go for it?  I should just do what I feel is right, what I want in my gut.  I agree. And you should feel that way too.  You have this one life to live, you should just DO IT, NOW!  Don’t have regrets or “what ifs”Listen to your heart and your soul.  And when in doubt, just ask  the ones who look over us.  You might not see them, but they are watching over you, and deep down you will have the answer.

So do it, go out and do it now (okay maybe not literally).  But what you want, what your drive is gearing you towards, do it.

Onto some more fun things…. I had a fabulous Sunday today!  Woke up, had a fun day in the sun with softball with B.

I did some Pokémon catching – and I wasn’t the only one there doing that either, haha.

But the Pokémon kept coming……. (when I finally got connection to it….)

Good thing Didi is just in a stroller (haha to Kelly for mentioning that)…. cuz when I walk her in her stroller I play Pokémon Go!  My lazy silly little puppy princess!

The night ended with a margarita… and watching Goosebumps…. which is horribly awesome.  It’s nostalgia… it was so predictable and corny…. and seeing Jack Black playing R.L.Stine was hilarious!  But it reminds me of back in the day when I read those books… and even watched the horrible tv show hahahaha.  Either way, good times :] I also got a good nap inbetween.

Dear Heart,

What are you trying to tell me?  You’re telling me that everything is gonna be okay.  What am I not getting at and seeing?  You’ve been stabbed, manipulated, torn apart, hurt, broken, in love, in pain, everything…. and yet you still keep secrets from me.  Teach me, please, teach me how to listen to what you have to say to me.  I’ve already learned so much from my past, but there is always more things to learn.

Sometimes everyone needs to take a step back and ask themselves what their heart is saying to them and figure out what they truly want.  The truth is there, the future is there.  It will never change, but one sees only what they want to see, but you need to learn how to see what is truly there.

“Love actually is all around” – Love Actually

That’s something we need to learn.  But love can hurt, and it can be happiness. That’s also something we need to learn.  To truly love is to have lost… to be loved and to love others, you need to first fully love yourself.

“Notice how the moon affects your energy and manifestations, and capitalize upon these cycles.”

Things are ever changing… and yet somethings are like Groundhogs Day over and over again. Déjà vu over and over. Today was a great day, Archangel Haniel, thank you for bringing me this.  I have noticed how things I do affect my life in certain ways and it keeps happening over and over again.  There are the negative things and then the positive and I am staying focused on the positive part.

So here I am…. realizing the things in my life that are going on…. and I will continue, conquer and live my life and be happy.

taylorswift-1989polaroid-49

Before I forget I just want to mention something I saw today…. I pray that this forest fire that was on Mass Pike didn’t do more harm than what I already saw.  The pics do no justice it covered a pretty big chunk by the highway – I’m guessing from the extreme heat (95+) and as we slowly passed it the flames just got bigger and bigger.  Strangely, I saw NO cops, NO fire engines, NADA!  What?  And I saw NO news about it tonight while checking on my phone.  So weird.  Hope the damage wasn’t too bad.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

And now for a little fun.  Because who wants to end a blog post with something scary and negative, right?

img_6543

I had a very mother/daughter bonding session today.  With not only my own mother and I, but Didi and I as well.  Pets make people happier, live longer, stay healthier…. you laugh more.  They’re just your own little babies – forever.  And I love my little furbaby.  It’s funny because I have been considering getting some more cats/puppies to give Didi some company.  That or do more work at the shelter I work at.

I was gonna go to a “YappyHour” – get it? GET IT? ^_____^ in town today but it was way too hot for an outdoor event and Didi would totally get sick from the heat.  I drove by the event and saw that it was practically empty. Hello!!!??? Excessive heat caused a forest fire today!  I hope they reschedule because it sounds like fun and great to meet new people.

And remember people…. adopt a rescue animal!  There are tons in need of homes because of many situations, a lot of them bad, so please, open up your heart – it’s a win-win situation!

img_6537

Didi and I on our walk in her new stroller… and me catching Pokémon! Hahahahahaha…. WE GOT TO CATCH THEM ALL!!!!!

XOXO

https://misstiffie.wordpress.com/2016/07/16/7947/

Observe yourself and those around yourself… See the light, and all will be harmonious! 

Sometimes, one can become too self involved and forget to help those around them in need. It’s not their fault, they just become absorbed in their own world, sometimes their own fantasy that they forget that the world does not evolve around them.  They forget what is happening around them when they just need to open up their eyes to see that so much is going on.

Observe. You may be missing out on a lot of stuff.  A friend has asked me to read her multiple times why she hasn’t found a boyfriend yet and when will she.  And each time, the results were the same… she is too involved with her work, her own life, she doesn’t realize what’s around her and probably has missed out on many opportunities.  This is just an example.  It can be finding a date, a significant other, a job, anything.

Take a breather and look around you… you only life, this life, once.  Don’t miss out.

Archangel Ariel came to me again and gave me the advice of Prosperity. So Archangel Raguel has come to me today, as well to tell me that “We angels are opening the hearts of everyone involved.  Arguments and conflicts are being resolved now.”…..  Hopefully all is at peace now.  All the sorts of relationships with exes, my mother, friends, they should be all good by now.  I pray that they are.

Don’t forget to see the light, inside you.  It’s the positivity, the optimism inside yourself that people tend to forget.  Leave the darkness behind you.  It’s not healthy to stay in the dark.  I went through periods like that, and while I still tend to do so, I remember to come back out into the light.  Bring out my inner light, my inner me.  “See the light within yourself and everyone else.”

I always try to see the good in everyone – which often tends to get me into trouble.  But I can’t help it.  Everyone has some good in them and I want to help fix whatever is broken in them.  And the first thing they have to do, is to look deep within themselves and see that glow, even just a mere candlelight, and not to ever let it go out.  Nurturing that light and having it grow bigger within yourself is what will inevitably bring you into enlightenment, and become who you were truly meant to be.

Happy Friday everyone and stay safe, especially playing Pokémon Go! Hmmm…. and playing it drunk haha :]