Moonlight Sonata – Beethoven

I’ve been obsessed with this song lately… and it’s probably gonna make me go back to playing the piano again…. which has been a few years that I’ve played magic with the keys.  I recently told a close friend that this is the perfect song of beauty and tragedy… when I die, I want to die to this song.  It makes my heart soar and wilt at the same time.  Is that possible?  I don’t think he understood and just felt I was being morbid.  “Fuck tragedy” and “I’ll probably never see you again” was what he said.  It burns. I’ve been going through a lot right now… and one of my closest and dearest,who knows what has been going on with me, says that to me?  Fuel to the fire.

I find the saddest music the most beautiful in the world?  Is that wrong of me?  Finding beauty in sorrow… I think that’s when truth comes out.  When you can show your sorrow to the world… and it’s transformed to this whole new creation of feelings.  It understands my pain, all the hurt built up inside of me and just makes it the most gorgeous thing.  This is not a suicide note, there is more to my life than just this.

….I just need a moment.

Spiritual Cleasning… and a Great Future…

I had a great long first session of a spiritual cleansing today. So much negativity has been let go in my life, and I’m learned that I HAVE to let go of a lot of my past; not forget, my past has just been lessons, learnings, teachings, but I need to let go and let the sun shine in.

I need to go back to my inner self… find my inner peace, stop being so closed off, stop letting the bad energy take over me and just open myself up.  I learned SO much about myself today in a mere 3 hours.  I have so much sadness and negative energy in me, happy on the outside but just very sad on the inside – so much so, I didn’t even realize until it was brought up and questioned.  My mind has blocked out all these “bad things”

And I have just changed so much emotionally, so fast.  All the negativity, literally, flew out of me.  In an icy cold filled AC room, I was sweating and feverish as if I was in a sauna….. it was almost some sort of out-of-body experience.  She knew things about me that not many or no one knew.  It was insane and yet amazing at the same time.

In order to move on, healthily, is to move forward while leaving the past behind.  The future looks amazingly bright for me and I can’t wait for it.

Bye bye past.  Hello future.

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