I understand there should be a higher purpose…

But what is mine? Dear God, I struggle with waking up each day knowing I’ll be hit with struggles that I have to smile through and be strong through, but why? I shouldn’t question your plan for my life but sometimes I find myself crying in the shower so the water hides my tears. Why do I not only have to take on my own, many, demons, but others as well?

Smiling, trusting, loving, living…. is getting so much harder now. And yet every morning I get up dreading the day I must endure… and hoping for that random glimmer of happiness and true joy that I get more and more rarely lately. When I smile at you, it’s genuine and real, but I am always crying on the inside. Forever broken.

So I ask you my dear sweet Lord, what is my purpose? Because I’m hurting really bad.

Letting in and Locking out……. You’ll never get me again, I’m just a memory and an aftertaste

I’ve spent a lot of my life hiding from what is good for me or being let down to the ones I actually open up to. When do you go from wanting what you can’t have and being wanted by what you don’t want/need to when you are just happy?  When I open my doors to the right person, I don’t want to be shut out again.  I’m open and speak my mind, but yet there is the introvert in me there’s this secret world in my mind that is hard to bring out. So to all those who have hurt me that I’ve opened up to….

Re-rewind Friday night, never forget it
How you let me go
No more lies I’ll be fine I know where I’m headed
Probably should’ve known

And now you’re gonna say, “Pretty, please forgive me.”
Fool me once, told you twice you’re gonna regret it
Now you’re all alone yeah

Turns out that no one can replace me
I’m permanent, you can’t erase me
I’ll help you remember me
One more kiss is all it takes
I’ll leave you with the memory
And the aftertaste

Close your eyes you can’t hide
Try to forget me but I’m everywhere
I’m the smell on your sheets you weren’t ready
When you left me there

And now you’re gonna say, “Pretty, please forgive me.” Yeah
Bet it hurts, it gets worse, you know nobody, said it would be fair, oh

Turns out that no one can replace me
I’m permanent, you can’t erase me
I’ll help you remember me
One more kiss is all it takes
I’ll leave you with the memory
And the aftertaste

And now there’s something in your way
‘Cause you threw it all to waste
And you wonder if you could take back what you did that day and it hurts, ’cause…

Turns out that no one can replace me
I’m permanent, you can’t erase me
I’ll help you remember me
One more kiss is all it takes
I’ll leave you with the memory
And the aftertaste

Truth is that no one can replace me
I’m permanent, you can’t erase me
I’ll help you remember me
One more kiss is all it takes
I’ll leave you with the memory
And the aftertaste
And the aftertaste