It’s coming…

Once again another birthday is coming on upon me.  I used to go crazy and throw extravagant parties where I would get super dressed up, buy expensive outfits, go to fancy dinners and have crazy club/lounge parties.  Yes, one of them was at a circus-themed club.

As the years have passed, my parties have calmed down and been more casual, to the point where I just stopped and decided to spend my day relaxing.  Vegas with the girls became Maine with my dog. [I guess it’s still going somewhere with one of my “bitches” right? Hahaha…ok I found it funny in my head]

Lately, I’ve lost a lot of faith in friendship with friends, but I’ve also found out how strong some of my true friendships are.

I’ve gone through a lot in the past year and a half, tons of transitions, but in all of that I have been finding myself.  I spent a whole day crying the other day because I was so mad… not at realizing my friend wasn’t really my friend, but that I do so much for people and I never ask for anything back – and I get nothing back.  I realized I had to rethink who to trust, who to love, who to still talk to and who to just give up on.

I try too hard.

Thank you to everyone who was there for me to help me through that situation.

One of my friends, who usually isn’t usually into this emotional hoodoo voodoo stuff said to me “Tiffie, dear, it shouldn’t matter why you’re upset, the fact that you ARE upset is ALL that should matter to a true friend”  And it hit me. it’s true.  I was upset, and hit with reasons why I shouldn’t be upset because I was a worse person.  The whole conversation had nothing to do with who was a bad friend but that’s what it became.

I had written a whole blog post about it, but I’m not that person anymore to rant about that sort of stuff on here anymore.

The whole point of this post is that I’m not the same person I used to be.  Happy silly party girl.  I admit it, it’s sort of disgusting to look back on.  Even a few years ago I was buying designer bags and heels and dressing up every single day… now you’re lucky if you can get me to brush my hair, put on any makeup and wear contacts – HAHA!  Gross, I know… but I like to think of it being me comfortable with ME being ME.

And back to the whole friend thing up above… bye to the negativity in my life.  I keep the good, I don’t care about the bad.

Yup, still gonna say something. Ball is is her court for her to show what kind of person she is.

*Drops the mic*

PS. Arrow and The Flash are the best shows ever. Baby Driver is the best movie I’ve seen in forever.

The end.

Spiritual Cleasning… and a Great Future…

I had a great long first session of a spiritual cleansing today. So much negativity has been let go in my life, and I’m learned that I HAVE to let go of a lot of my past; not forget, my past has just been lessons, learnings, teachings, but I need to let go and let the sun shine in.

I need to go back to my inner self… find my inner peace, stop being so closed off, stop letting the bad energy take over me and just open myself up.  I learned SO much about myself today in a mere 3 hours.  I have so much sadness and negative energy in me, happy on the outside but just very sad on the inside – so much so, I didn’t even realize until it was brought up and questioned.  My mind has blocked out all these “bad things”

And I have just changed so much emotionally, so fast.  All the negativity, literally, flew out of me.  In an icy cold filled AC room, I was sweating and feverish as if I was in a sauna….. it was almost some sort of out-of-body experience.  She knew things about me that not many or no one knew.  It was insane and yet amazing at the same time.

In order to move on, healthily, is to move forward while leaving the past behind.  The future looks amazingly bright for me and I can’t wait for it.

Bye bye past.  Hello future.

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