Want You Back.. and take me to Havana.

Just got back from Japan and I’ve been catching up on work and still eating my way around Taiwan <3 DUH.  I do miss Americuh tho… tho Trump makes is less missable [not trying to get political here]

SO… My obsession with 5 Seconds of Summer has been full-filled… after 1.5 years of being absent they released their new song, and now their new video…..  [btw my love of this song “Want You Back” has nothing to do with wanting anyone back. I don’t LOL.]

On another note, still obsessed with Camila Cabello’s Havana… cuz Oh Na Na… “Papi says he got malo in him” <3 wink wink – I chose the vertical version but the original video is hilarious and great too.

And End Game.  Taylor Swift. Ed Sheeran. Future. Enough said.

Bitches all be fierce. New long post [and long awaited] with a Q&A and possibly vlog post coming very soon!!!! Health is getting better, life is pretty good and I may have a little crush :] DAT IZ ALL. Oh yeah and I’ve been eating a TON again…. oops. Sorry scale and cute clothes.

Back to you….

I just don’t get it… why are people just liars and cheaters and fakes.  I am so sick of it.  People are so freaking selfish and I can’t stand it.  And I don’t know why I always forgive them and go back to them……………..  maybe I’m just that much broken.

Why do people say “sorry” when they don’t even mean it?  And why do people still fall for it?  It’s a never ending circle, it’s saddening, heartbreaking and yet inevitable and it just happens over and over again.  When will the cycle end?  For the lucky ones, it doesn’t happen, or it happens once or twice.  But for people like me, I shouldn’t have picked up that penny the wrong side up, it’s the story of my life.

At times, I just don’t know how to feel anymore.  Numb, I’ve said before, just numb.

I accept all of my problems and disorders and “crazy” that I have… and I feel like everyone in my life does too… well mostly… the true ones.  The ones who love me and accept me for who I am.

“I love it, I hate it…”  Guess I’m just a masochistic. LOL.

Like I’ve said before, I’ve got a Jet Black Heart.

[Bebe Rexha:]
I know you say you know me, know me well
But these days I don’t even know myself, no
I always thought I’d be with someone else
I thought I would own the way I felt, yeah

I call you but you never even answer
I tell myself I’m done with wicked games
But then I get so numb with all the laughter
That I forget about the pain

Whoah, you stress me out, you kill me
You drag me down, you fuck me up
We’re on the ground, we’re screaming
I don’t know how to make it stop
I love it, I hate it, and I can’t take it
But I keep on coming back to you

[Louis Tomlinson:]
I know my friends they give me bad advice
Like move on, get you out my mind
But don’t you think I haven’t even tried
You got me cornered and my hands are tied

[Louis Tomlinson & Bebe Rexha:]
You got me so addicted to the drama
I tell myself I’m done with wicked games
But then I get so numb with all the laughter
That I forget about the pain

[Louis Tomlinson:]
Whoah, you stress me out, you kill me
You drag me down, you fuck me up
We’re on the ground, we’re screaming
I don’t know how to make it stop
I love it, I hate it, and I can’t take it
But I keep on coming back to you (back to you)
Oh, no, no, I just keep on coming back to you (back to you)
Oh, no, no, I just keep on coming back to you

And I guess you’ll never know
All the bullshit that you put me through
And I guess you’ll never know, no

[Bebe Rexha & Louis Tomlinson:]
Yeah, so you can cut me up and kiss me harder
You can be the pill to ease the pain
‘Cause I know I’m addicted to your drama
Baby, here we go again

Whoah, you stress me out, you kill me
You drag me down, you fuck me up
We’re on the ground, we’re screaming
I don’t know how to make it stop
I love it, I hate it, and I can’t take it
But I keep on coming back to you (back to you)
Oh, no, no, I just keep on coming back to you (back to you)
Oh, no, no, I just keep on coming back to you
Back to you
I just keep on coming back to you

What makes you “normal”?

One of my best friends asked me “What is normal?” the other day when I said that I wasn’t “normal”.  I told him that being normal was weird, because what is normal? WHAT IS NORMAL?

I’m not normal, I don’t think I ever have been.  For a brief moment in my life I wanted to be… seriously, it’s hilarious.  I wanted to be a cheerleader and “popular” and date the cutest guy in school.  But I was far from it.  I was a geek, a nerd, an outcast, I couldn’t dress, I was super awkward, but I was me.

I was the girl who begged my mom to go to a school dance and when I finally got to go to one, everyone had someone to dance with except me…  no one would touch me with a ten foot pole.  Totally scarring as a pre-teen, totally glad I didn’t dance with any of those gross guys now.

But, look at me now.  My past made me strong.  And my own mind kept my strength up.

My mother asked me today why I look so unhappy all the time lately… I was playing some game on my phone… I told her, I had a “sadness”.  She asked me, “What right do YOU have to have a sadness inside you?”  I didn’t answer her.  I don’t need to.  I don’t need to answer to anyone why I have this sadness in me… It’s been in me since I can remember.  I have a sadness but also a light; Which is why I still live on, strong, with hope and optimism.

There’s a sadness that has always been there, but I blame no one for it but myself for letting it linger.  I want no pity, no worry, no “special care” for it.  I know what’s wrong with me, that’s why I’m okay with who I am and why I can handle myself and take care of myself.

I am a stronger woman because of this.  And just because I have sadness that overcomes and consumes within me doesn’t mean I don’t have happiness that keeps me continuing on in life.

ps. I look cute today.

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Yay to 5 Seconds of Summer tank top, Harry Styles necklace and Liam Payne makeup.  I just tried the eyeshadows and lipgloss but it was fun.  Someone needs to teach me how to do makeup because I’m lazy AF about it and I know nothing about contouring.  Amanda,  you makeup guru, help me!

Safety Pin

5-seconds-of-summer-5sos-ashton-irwin-band-Favim.com-2574899

Runaways, we’re the long lost children
Running to the edge of the world
Everybody wants to throw us away
Broken boy meets broken girl
You said you tried it all before
And it only makes it worse
Oh but this time, maybe this time
Two wrongs make it right

We’ll safety pin, the pieces of our broken hearts back together
Patching up all the holes until we both feel much better
Deleted things, I really meant, so now I’ll say the things I never sent
We’ll safety pin, the pieces of our broken hearts back together

Throwing rocks at your broken window
Only you can cure my sickness
Raise ourselves and a middle finger
Cause they all think we’re twisted
Once I had a little taste
Now I’m addicted to your fix
Oh yeah this time, maybe this time
Two wrongs make it right

We’ll safety pin, the pieces of our broken hearts back together
Patching up all the holes until we both feel much better
Deleted things, I really meant, so now I’ll say the things I never sent
We’ll safety pin, the pieces of our broken hearts back together

No more waiting, we can save us from falling [x5]
This time, maybe this time

We’ll safety pin, the pieces of our broken hearts back together
Patching up all the holes until we both feel much better
Deleted things, I really meant, so now I’ll say the things I never sent
We’ll safety pin, the pieces of our broken hearts back together

No more waiting, we can save us from falling

Dear Blog…

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We have come a long way.  My first post was over 7 years ago…. and now look where it’s been.  It started off as a food diary.  Then a healthy food blog.  And then just a food blog in general with my adventures around the world eating and cooking.  And now this… I like to call it a “lifestyle” blog.  Which I will shortly be starting a whole “lifestyle” website at http://misstiffie.com…. but this is still home to me.  It’s comfy, it’s my blankie that I want to hold on to.

Sure some of the photos have gone wonky and bad, and I’ve gotten rid of some posts that have toxic people in them…. but people are still reading the reviews (minus the broken pic links, sorry) but I’m better than that now (haha) so I promise no more (hopefully) old posts like that from here on out.  The past ones, ya’ll just gotta accept.

You’ve gone thru my relationships, my health scares, my issues, and my healing.  My fun vacations, and the times where I can’t stop crying.  But I’ve made it thru, stronger than ever before.  I am who I am because of what I’ve been thru.

So here I am, 7 years younger (cough cough) and ready to embark on so many new adventures.  If you’ve been following me on facebook or twitter you may have been seeing some hints of what is yet to come.  My life is going in the perfect direction and I can only seeing it going up and up, growing better and better.

Cheers. And thanks to all of you for staying so loyal.

XOXO

Yours always,
Miss Tiffie

PS. If you haven’t yet, please check out 5 Seconds of Summer’s newest music video. Jet Black Heart  It’s heart-touching and absolutely fantastic.

Snap5

#5SOSPRIDE

Relationships and stuff…

Lately, the talk of love, relationships, dating etc has been coming up a lot in my life; like a lot.  (I feel like it’s a thing for as you get older and stay single…. ) And not just for me but for my friends (who conveniently like to come to me for advice hehe…)  I’ve always been told that I hold such an optimistic view on my love life.  We all want that connection though. It’s okay though, it’s natural, right?  But I’ve never been desperate for a relationship and when one ends… I never lose hope and give up.  Just keep swimming, right?

Although I would have to say I have made some pretty bad choices with men, how do deal with them, staying in broken relationships for way too long and jumping into them way too quick.  But hey, while some criticize my way of going out my love life, I think it’s my way of learning about love and life.  Without mistakes you won’t truly know what you want.  Without knowing the bad, you will never appreciate the good. Thank goodness I don’t have fish brain (Dora brain) – with what kind of memory span, 5 seconds?! Haha…. which reminds me. [start craziness] less than19 days til my birthday and less than 43 days til 5 Seconds of Summer concert. OK. [/end craziness]

But maybe we’ll add a video of 5SOS just because it’s my blog and I DO WHAT I WANT!!!! – Yup years later I still quote Cartman.

Yeah I’m a good girl that’s a bad girl that hasn’t been caught.

One of my best friends once told me that she was “too scared about how much she liked the guy she has recently been dating” because she has been hurt a few times before (Haven’t we all, by this age?).  I told her that she just had to live in the moment, enjoy it, because life and love is always a chance.

The guy I am currently “seeing” said to me awhile ago was “To me, a relationship is built over time. There’s no need to rush it. That’s why I’m okay with long distance and easing into things. If you’re one of those people who just needs constant attention from someone […] and just want to go with whoever gives you the most of that attention…it’s not really going to lead to a real relationship. Easy come, easy go, right?” Which makes perfect sense.  It’s not that I needed attention, I suppose reassurance, as confident as anyone can be, we all have our weak moments and hope that we are cared for back and not being played.  Which reminds me of one of my favorite, and also most overused bible quotes:


And to that one special person in my life right now…. All I can say is….

But it doesnt mean that I’m gonna succumb to your every need and desire.  I might as well date exes that I dumped.  I’ve just been in a huge argument with a current ex about us and others and what is what?!.. I don’t say that previous (some) relationships may mature and we could get back together but I also can’t say that something that I can be happy is in my near/far future.  I think I’ve always spent too much time trying to make my significant other super happy… in all ways…. that for once I want a real thing.  So everyone…. be happy.. stay happy… feel confident about it…. and just let it be <3

Getting back into the groove of things….

Now that I have started blogging again and will always be blogging for Modern Dauphine….  I’m kinda really liking it.  I’ve even gotten back to writing my book again (which has been on  hiatus for like 2 months) …

Life has been interesting. Ups, downs, misunderstandings and mended friendships…. You never really truly to enjoy your day to day life until you get older, huh? Each day passes with a blink of an eye.  I really need to reach further, set even higher limits and more goals.  And then check them off my Must-Do Checklist.

Summer is almost upon us, June 20, and I’m psyched! I always loved summer – being a summer baby and all.  The obvious: Cape Code trips, beaching… short weekend trips somewhere relaxing and fun, wearing as little clothing as possible (duh!) And all those refreshing, light, yummy foods and cocktails.

Beach beach beach! I need a tan!  I’m practically see-thru…. and then some.

This weekend is my babe Kim‘s Birthday so I booked a hotel and I’m taking her to Chippendales. I think they call it “Men in Motion‘ now… haha with a special twist. I got us VIP seats in the front so we don’t have to stand and……. well I promise to take pictures ;]  We’re getting tattoos, gonna go shopping, go eat at Wahlburgers.

We always have an amazing time.  Plus I get to help pick out clothes for her, do her makeup and hair ;]  Plus when you go out with me, and I plan it, we go ALL. OUT. Got it?

Soon after my Uncle, Aunt and one of my favorite Cousins (shh) is coming for I think 3 weeks or so.  Niagara Falls and Red Sox games are a MUST. (which reminds me I have to buy tickets… it’ll just be me and the boys… haha my mom and aunt are so not into it) – I’ll definitely be taking him to some sort of July 4th celebration/party and maybe even hit up the beach with a group of people.

And then August.  I’m make sure that all my birthdays are memorable and I promise this year won’t be an exception.  INCLUDING 5 Seconds of Summer will be playing in Boston in August. UH psyched.  I just don’t know what to do yet for my birthday….. got any ideas?

It’s already been a crazy half a year (can you believe how fast that went?  Heartbreaks, crushes, enemies… yikes) – And yes there is someone I like – even though I decided to try not to talk about my love life on this blog anymore. So *crossing my fingers*

So, now let’s go dancing….. forget about the past, look forward to the future but treasure every breath and existence of the moment ♥

ps. Promise more food posts will be made as well…

xo

My tattoos.. and their meanings…

I recently just got my newest tattoo… “Bolsillo lleno de sueños” – which means “Pocketful of Dreams” – Once again I was attacked by my mother.. so I thought I would make a post about my tattoos and their meanings…. First and foremost my newest ones.  As you can see, I will not lie, yes I have cut.  As I grow older, something that used to be a shame to me is turning into something I want to bring awareness to.  Hurting yourself, cutting, self-harm, etc… is NOT the right way to do it.  I wanted my new tattoo to cover my scars and to remind me to always look to the future, and look to the stars… so I added it to my stars I got last year in Taiwan… and added a few more to “complete” the whole look.

These were the original stars that i had gotten in Taiwan…… always look to the stars…. always keep believing and dreaming and reaching for them…. that’s why I got them

These two hearts were my first.  And I got them with one of my besties/sis Serina when she lived with me for a week in America.  They represent us :]

And yes, this was my second tattoo… a Hello Kitty bow. DUH. Explanation needed?!?!

The next was the start of my Alice in Wonderland obsession…. which I hope to be the biggest piece on me…. I have slowly added onto this thru-out the past two years.  But this was the first, And it is absolutely GORGEOUS!!!

This “Infinity Sign with Love” in it is dedicated to my mother.  When I was a little kid my mom would ask “How much do you love me?” And I’d stretch out my arms and say “INFINITY”

Later after a few drinks I went back and got this, my Leo sign.  I am the definition of a LEO woman and I am proud of my strong sign.

My “Curiosity often leads to trouble” with dragonflies that I got with my bestie, Kate, on her Bday (we represent the dragonflies, she got a different tatt on her foot with color but also with two dragonflies)

Follow the white rabbit… This is the bunny/rabbit from Alice in Wonderland (duh) but with a heart balloon… cuz… I just love it.

This is my ” <3 ” which shows my nerdy way of loving someone.  This is my first tattoo I got at Ximending in like ghetto tattoo area in Taipei. LOL.

This was another tattoo I’ve wanted to get for awhile.   Life is love and love it life.  I want to be always filled with love and no hat.  I’ll robably get more love-related tattoos in the future.

This is my “Believe” my second finger tattoo… and NO nothing to do with Justin Bieber or Bielibers…. I got it for me to always remember to BELIEVE in myself.  There is always ho[e!

This one is a huge deal from me, a lot of you may know by now I have suffered from an Eating Disorder for more than half my life.  This is the recovery symbol.

Ah. After a margarita (those HUGE ones) for breakfast (in Vegas obviously) there was a tattoo parlor right across from the Mexican place we were at so I finally got a tattoo I’ve wanted.  Champagne glass (my fav booze) with heart (see more love references) bubbles!!!! – I designed it!

Me: You think they’ll do walk-ins?
Kelly: Dude it’s Vegas, they bank on bad decisions.

And yes there are funny videos of me lying on my stomach in a skirt getting tattooed.

Who needs to rule the day when you can be me and rule the night?

“Carpe Noctum”

One of my bestie’s, Johnny aka Woo Bear, got “carpe diem” after I got this :] <3

I also have an obsession with skulls… but of course it’d have to have a BOW on it :] If you look at my jewelry and clothes I have tons of skulls stuff!

This is when I FINALLY added onto my Alice in Wonderland side tattoo.  Which I want to turn into a large side piece eventually ALL related to AIW.  I’m thinking mushrooms, Cheshire Cat, vines/flowers, a teacup and obviously an “Eat Me” cupcake or cookie… WHICH I might turn my skull into. (The skull will be the top of the cupcake and I’ll have maybe an Eat Me ribbon around it.)

Yes. I am Tiffie Dee aka Queen Dee.

Austin Mahone’s autograph! Yeah… DUH. FAN FOR LIFE!

And a 5SOS (5 Seconds of Summer) tattoo. I love you guys!!!!

And then my gorgeous stopwatch!…. How beautiful and intricate s it?  And now I just need to add the chain that will connect the pocket watch to the key!

And how can I forgot my dedication for the love of food. “j’ai faim” which means I’m hungry in French. WHICH I want to add onto cuz the space about the M looks like I can add some foody pic in it. Chopsticks? butcher knife?  Still unsure….. haha bowl of rice.

And course my newest one. That you first saw…. “Pocketful of Dreams” in Spanish.  So now I have English, Latin, French AND Spanish on me.

I also need to add to my Alice in Wonderland side piece ASAP.  Eventually I want a back to shoulder tattoo.   I want something to represent my parents (possible both of their chinese last names intertwined into a design).  I need a 1D and BSB one. A cat one.  And my Valfré mermaid which I’m getting next. Also want a little Fafi on me :] Two of some of my favorite artists!!!

So far 22 Tatts and 18 Piercings… this needs to change NOW!

Homemade Buttermilk Fried Chicken & Waffles 1D & 5SOS Concert

It all started with me marinating chicken legs, thighs and breasts in buttermilk, onion, garlic, paprika, cayenne, thai chilies, rosemary and a ton more things…  the next day L came over and first he decided to Lion King Didi…

and yes… I sang the song…

Since the buttermilk marinade was wet enough we didn’t use egg but used a mixture of corn starch, wheat flour and whole wheat panko also mixed with spices like cayenne and paprika.

Deep fried in hot oil while we had some beers to pre-game for the concert

After frying the chicken, we dipped some pickles in the cornstarch and made fried pickle chips

Hot sauce and maple syrup over whole wheat waffles and pickle chips!!!!

And of course with some good beer…

After a shot of tequila, off to the 5 Seconds of Summer and One Direction concert!

I drew on my arm…

L let me write on his arm (even tho his fav 1D is Niall)

I LOVE 5 SECONDS OF SUMMER

Since it was all kids, alcohol lines were short!!!!  After beers we decided on margaritas… double fisting!!!

1D Pride

Everyone was doing it so L made me do a picture with a heart.

Such an amazing concert!!!!!