And so I sit here…

It’s 3:02AM EST time and I’m sitting here watching tv marathons and movies on iTunes and Netflix.  I just finished off a bowl of homemade nachos and guacamole and I’m about to go warm up some more spicy pulled pork I made earlier.  Has this become my life?  This could be the wine talking, or the wandering mind thinking… but this is definitely not where I thought I would be… a year ago, two, three, five, ten? What has happened?

It’s funny how things work. Weight gain made me sad. But I gained weight cuz I’ve been happy. But the weight gain makes me not want to move… so while I eat less, I move less. I’m still not happy with my body. But that could just be my eating disorder talking.  Always in recovery, never fully recovered.

You guys have been with me through so many ups and downs and yet you remain loyal.  So much gratitude.  Love, lust, heartbreaks. Breakdowns and highs. Parties and mournings.

The past year I have been basically mostly living in Taiwan and I’ve forgotten my love for cooking, almost.  I stopped caring a lot about things I used to be so passionate about and I have no real explanation for it… but it’s recently sparked up again.

I cooked duck the other day. And today I had a pulled pork burrito/taco night with pomegranate guacamole, spicy mango pico de gallo with roasted garlic and corn and an extremely spicy salsa verde… along with some yummy gooey blue corn chip nachos.  I started to feel alive again.  I started a cooking idea journal/notebook again…. mainly b/c I was planning to cook for C on his birthday… and while things got in the way, I still got MAD IDEAS to play on.

SO…. I have ideas of doing supper parties.  [And have talked with a chef friend or two about doing pop ups] – I want to, once I move out, host supper/dinner parties, first once a month, and then possibly once a week.  People can BYOB and tell me their diets…. or just leave it up to me.  Hopefully soon after team, up with chefs and cool wine people.

I have so many ambitions and ideas… I want to write, I want to travel, I want to cook, I want to go back to school…. and I want to film it all. I have a secret thing about wanting to be in front of a camera.

So maybe this is how this blog is evolving.  It went from food diary to healthy eating and recipes to eating out and traveling extravagantly …. and then just personal…. me finding my inner peace…. healing and now this.  My lifestyle. Ever evolving.

This blog is now: Finding the real Miss Tiffie.

Please join me in my journey.

Monday, July 11 2016: Clairaudience

Today Archangel Zadkiel has told me to “Notice the loving guidance you hear inside you mind, or from other people.”

I’m sorry to people I’ve hurt and bless everyone, those who hate me and love me. I blame myself for all the stress I have caused on anyone and myself.  I am who I am today because of all of you.  Lessons have been learned.  Tears and smiles.  Butterflies in the stomach and heartbreaks.  First kisses and forever goodbyes. Bless everyone.

This trip and these “accidental” classes have not only brought me peace at heart, but I’ve released all the hurt and sadness and despair from my past.  All the anger and hate.  I’ve also learned a new gift.  One to heal, one to answer questions and to help and teach others.  My teacher, aka master, has also told me that I am already, just a month in, ready to go out on my own and help others.  I can speak to the spirits and the angels and I have seen them, God, my past and have seen the future.  I am no longer who I was a month and a half ago. [I say “accidental” because I was only supposed to see my teacher once, but she said she saw my gift and offered me to be an apprentice, a student, now she is ready to teach me how to teach others.]

Btw, I got a new trim, and color to my hair today, yay.. thinking of going lighter ombré… what do you guys think?

Today I asked my angel cards for help and wisdom to guide me today and of course, Michael and Gabriel came up, per usual. They are the best “guardian angels” ever. [BTW. have you guys seen the show Angel from Hell with Sarah Lynch? Most hilarious new show ever! I love her humor! She was amazing on Glee.  I hate that they’re canceling it due to a religious thing, relax guys.  It’s a show.]

That goes on to my next thing.  People need to relax, let loose.  Not get tangled up in a web that just causes more chaos and negativity.  You must think positive.  It’s like my card told me today.  Listen to myself,  my heart, and to those I love and who surround me and send tons of positivity my way.

I am a very lucky girl.  I have a ton of very loving family and friends, and even fans… you guys, yes all of you reading, or not, you guys have supported me, loved me, believed in me for so long – and I plan to always live up to it.  I am so appreciative, actually for everyone who has passed in my life, either who have stayed or left, because I am who I am now because of this. Fate. Karma.

Stay positive.  Bless everyone around you whether they treat you well or not.  And remember to always listen to your heart.  Oh and eat your heart out.

Dinner tonight at Din Tai Fun was uhhh 5+ steamers of xiao long baos [including sweet ones], tons of veggies, pork chops, chicken soup, bamboo, wine chicken, spicy cucumbers, etc etc etc…. there was a ton of food, and I still have a ton next to me that I ordered for a late night snack ;] Enjoy life.  You only live.. once, well, once that you remember [unless under hypnosis] – And yes, I saw a few past lives under hypnosis.

Good night ya’ll ;] LOVE YOU!  I’ll be in the States for a bit soon….. and I’ll also be back in Taiwan for awhile again, soon.

XOXO

 

Indulging at uzna omom; harajuku pancake

Recently I discovered a new place in Taipei…and the smells and the menu looked quite alluring….

The wait is quite long, it is indeed a new place, but I was ready to wait.  I was dying of hunger, but I needed to try this place.

The decor was adorable!!!

Aren’t the ceiling fans freaking adorable? I love this place, it was just so warm and cozy [minus the fact that the AC was turned up super high – haha – on the inside I was warm and cozy]

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I ordered a sparkling white grape juice with no sugar – which is sad cuz they added so much lemon in it, I could barely taste grape, it was basically lemonade.

I ordered a cooked spinach salad with smoked duck.. it came with a delicious creamy corn soup and two pancakes [they are famous for their pancakes]  All was delicious!!! Although the spinach was barely cooked so it was basically raw.. but they did add a few mushrooms slices, which was nice… and the duck was delicious, just wish there were more.

For tea time places, I wish there was always choses when it came to soup – I’m not a creamy soup person – I’m lactose intolerant – but I did enjoy this soup.  And pancakes were delish!

Also ordered a side dish of broccoli with shrimp and some mushrooms… and some bacon.  It was overly salty, I think they accidentally salted it twice or thrice, cuz it was painfully salty.

The next concoction was this coffee with shaved ice and condensed milk. Gorgeous and delish!!!

For dessert i had the Honolulu Soufflé pancake and it was smothered in a delicious cream and caramel-y sauce, and crushed macadamia nuts. OMG it was SO GOOD, but extremely filling.  Half of this filled me up like no other. SO RECOMMEND THIS!!!!

I’d say come here for the desserts/pancakes and amazing matcha tea lattes and stuff but don’t expect a lot from the savory.  The desserts are delicious!!!!

BTW like my new cell phone case?  She wanted a selfie!

Spiritual Cleasning… and a Great Future…

I had a great long first session of a spiritual cleansing today. So much negativity has been let go in my life, and I’m learned that I HAVE to let go of a lot of my past; not forget, my past has just been lessons, learnings, teachings, but I need to let go and let the sun shine in.

I need to go back to my inner self… find my inner peace, stop being so closed off, stop letting the bad energy take over me and just open myself up.  I learned SO much about myself today in a mere 3 hours.  I have so much sadness and negative energy in me, happy on the outside but just very sad on the inside – so much so, I didn’t even realize until it was brought up and questioned.  My mind has blocked out all these “bad things”

And I have just changed so much emotionally, so fast.  All the negativity, literally, flew out of me.  In an icy cold filled AC room, I was sweating and feverish as if I was in a sauna….. it was almost some sort of out-of-body experience.  She knew things about me that not many or no one knew.  It was insane and yet amazing at the same time.

In order to move on, healthily, is to move forward while leaving the past behind.  The future looks amazingly bright for me and I can’t wait for it.

Bye bye past.  Hello future.

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Welcome to my JUNGLE

Normally I don’t write posts like this.  Or even the few posts that I have written…. things were easier when I just wrote about food and about how delicious or not so much, or disgusting they were.  But lately I just like writing about my life and how it’s been constantly changing and evolving…. forever changing.  And not so much in a good or bad or great way.  Just in a way, and the end result is just a constant surprise!

Updates.
1. I like someone.
2. I’m starting to like someone.
3. I’m OVER someone. But that was a given fact and that was proven awhile ago.
4. I’m getting fat. But happy fat. I think. I’m happy and eat. Not so happy I’m getting fat, but the food makes me happier than me being not so happy that I’m getting fat.
5. I need to move.  To where? I’m not sure.  I currently have an opportunity and possibility of moving to Philly or back to Taiwan, or just get a place in Boston.
6. I need a new tattoo. CRAVE ONE. What I need is a tattoo cover-up. So I guess two. Two new tattoos.
7. I miss being in a relationship and being in love.
8. I love being single and free from a relationship.
9. I have a lot of food in my room in this room in Taiwan. HA!
10. I dropped my phone in the toilet and I couldn’t find rice, so I crushed up dried ramen and stuck it in there. It worked. Phone is  FINE, and smells delicious. Yes, the toilet was clean.
11. I’m hungry as FUCK.

I need food…..

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xoxo, LOVE
Miss Tiffie

So welcome to the Jungle

Oh and, 12. I’m obsessed with the movie “How to Be Single”, I’ve watched it like over 20x…. in the past week.  Maybe more. Sad? Maybe. But the movie is SO true.  I think of back in the day watching Sex in the City. And now I’m fucking LIVING IT. Jeezus, Yeezus? HAHA I don’t even like Kanye, minus his music, I’m getting old.

Once upon a time….

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I thought I was living in a fairy tale.  And I think I have been.  But then I realized that they were not true.  But isn’t it true?  There’s always a witch or a bad guy in a fairy tale that one must conquer to find true happiness.  The reality is to not give up.

I truly believe that my relationship was fate…. a great fairytale and absolute karma. But then after that, it takes work.  We met, we rarely ever separated…. and it all started with the magical apple…. which is why I got my first tattoo for a guy I was super in love with.

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Love, takes work.  I find myself crying on the bathroom floor… sobbing and falling apart.  I find myself sleeping, knowing we are no longer together and yet his arm is wrapped around me…. my heart starts thumping hard and my throat tightens and I can barely breathe. This is how it goes.  You can love, and love and love…. but if both or one isn’t willing to work on it. Take the heartache, but not wanting to lose the love, it’s not gonna work.  I don’t want to lose what I have finally found.  And I have never felt this kind of love in my life. I have never given all of myself to anyone, like this, ever before.  I have never given up my whole life just to move across the world because I can’t stand being away from the one that I love. And the fact that I will be leaving in just a few days just breaks me.

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He gave up.  And I let him.  I accepted it.

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Please let me keep believing.

Fairy Tales don’t always have happy endings….

How does one start a story…

And why does anyone have to end one?

Today, I had a delicious al dente [perfectly so] spaghetti dish with tons of mushrooms and truffle [but not overly so as if they had to compensate for something – plus I saw black spots, so it seemed real] and some broccoli [I got them greens in! LOL] Just this cute little cafe, Sugar Cafe, across the street from my – soon to be not-apartment.

I had a heart to heart to one of my close relatives and we talked about a lot. I opened up a lot. I don’t usually do that, my secrets, my horrors, my pains, I like to keep to my own.

I thought that moving to Taiwan would’ve been my re-birth, but it turns out… leaving Taiwan is my true “phoenix moment”

I feel like I’m in some weird reality tv show that isn’t being filmed – but should be. And yet so much I don’t want anyone to know because it is my own private story.  All I can say, is that, things happened which ached hearts and broke trust.  It’s easy to say, but hard to realize.  And while I pray, I’ve prayed so hard, more than I have in the past few years… I have learned to accept it.

So now what? How do I end this story? Tears have been constantly streaming down my face… but I’m accepting it. I AM ACCEPTING IT. This is life. THIS IS LIFE. This is my life. And heart broken more than it ever has been… but I can’t fight anymore.  I thought I was strong but my strength has been used up …. What will be is what will be.

Thank you to my loves for all the support, motivation and love.

My soon-to-be-not-apartment smells like delicious curry that my love made today.  I’m sure I’ll be chewing on that and packing in the morning.  He’s an amazing cook.

And that’s how the post is gonna end. Without a real ending… there is no real ending, there is only the future.

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Happy Vday: Testing Love

Recently I’ve been tested on the test of love.

It was hard.

There were tears.

There was heartbreak.

There was also hurt that I’ve never felt before.

And yet, we rose above it.  And after telling each other to give each other a few days, it took less than that to know that we wanted, needed, had to be together.

We talked. We made up. We promised to communicate more and fix and that’s how life and all sorts of relationships work.  Not just in love.

Happy Valentines Day from Taiwan…. instead of the usual…. we stayed in bed til dinner time and then we had super spicy, potent, Indian food… walked around in the cold rain…. went to a “speakeasy” and went home…. all while wearing “he & she” shirts I bought last night at Shilin Market.

We definitely love each other….

True love…. right?!

Ok, he’s asleep… and all I wanna do is just cuddle him instead of this bottle of wine cuz I’m so wide awake AF…. ARGH LOL….

 

byebye past, hello future

This is the beginning of a whole new life for me.  A new chapter with one of the best people I know in my life.  I’m not running away from my past but I have moved on, beyond and I’m only looking forward, hand in hand with my love.

A few things I’m considering, now that this has gone from health blog, foodie blog, for awhile it got all personal and “shtuff” and now into a lifestyle blog.  Should I get rid of all my old posts?  Or just leave them on to see how I’ve grown?  Tons of old posts are still being read, even commented on, so I feel like I’m taking away from hiding them….

But this is a new start for me.

After over 24 hours in airports, but mostly an airplane… I am on the other side of the world, for who knows how long.  On the plane I watched Tiny Times (finally!!!), Room and Trainwreck.  Which strangely, I connected to all three.

Tiny Times.  The Asian, younger version of Sex and the City.  College students who great up together and their stories.  Each girl different from the other (all gorgeous of course and all in different situations in their lives – of course – but even the most glamorous has difficulties.)  Who hasn’t gone through a time admiring successful beautiful people.  The super athletic one.  The super rich one.  The gorgeous one.  The artistic one.  The smartest one.  Or wanted “Mr. Perfect” etc. etc.  This movie reminds us that we are still, in fact, all the same.  All the same insecurities, pains, emotions, feelings – and most of us, truly do in fact have a soul.

Room.  A girl was raped and abducted for over 5 years and had a child and was living in one room for that long.  Her son, his whole life, was based on a tv, books “surprise Sundays” and the room.  It was interesting how the girl got frustrated at her own son being scared of the world she always knew of and dreamed of going back into – after they got saved.  It also reminded me of how materialistic the world has become, how reliant we are with technology and not appreciating the beauty we have all around us, waiting to happen, things that have happened.  Just even a window to look outside.

Trainwreck.  I’ll just let the name speak for itself.  Thankfully I was never even close to how awful of a place she was in.  But let’s just got back to Tiny Times’ conclusion.  Everyone has gone through shit.

And then I think of where I am now.

I am happy.

I AM HAPPY.

Of course, nothing will ever be perfect… but I am HAPPY.

So yup. First 24 hours has been a lot of sleep (we both passed out around 9ish last night)  And it’s currently 6 in the morning.  More later on.  Feel free to check out my tweets and instagram for quicker updates.

xoxo, Tiffie

Where have you been all of my life?

taylorswift-1989polaroid-13This past week has been absolutely amazing.  All because of this guy.

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Yup. Who would’ve thought that meeting a guy on a plane, accepting an apple towards the end of a flight [the airplane food was pretty sad…] and spending almost a whole month with him would lead me to so much happiness.

It’s been over a month and while things have escalated quickly, it just feels so natural and right.  From wandering the streets of Taiwan together, going to Denver, driving to Montana to have Thanksgiving with his family and friends and now him living with me in Boston – It’s been just getting better and stronger with each passing minute.

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Who thought a random meeting, could turn into a fling, into a friendship and then something even better.  He is the most amazing thing that has happened to me and I am so very blessed to have him come into my life.  We can be nerdy, gaming, foodie dorks together, perverted and mean to each other as well [haha]…

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It’s been such a good ride so far…. I can’t wait for more…. XOXO

PS. Please help support his kendama company Kendama Co. by buying your loved ones and kiddies a kendama, or three for the holidays [or birthday or no reason at all] – If you get it now BEFORE Jan 1, 2016 you can get 10% off using PROMO CODE: MISSTIFFIE

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