Excess Flesh: a good look at the truth of eating disorders thru a crazy awesome movie

The first time I watched this movie I was just in for the horror and the gore… I had no idea it would hit me this much.  Being a recovered anorexic/bulimic I ended up being obsessed with this movie and looking up as many reviews as possible.  But yet, no one had the same perspective that I had on this movie… and no one interpreted it the same way I did.

Jennifer, a skinny sexy model who can eat whatever she wants and not gain weight, is best friends with Jill, a normal sized chick who ends who binging and purging or starving for days… they are roommates and it’s a messed up relationship.

Jennifer is extroverted and sleeps around a lot while Jill is introverted and prefers to stay at home all day, but is an extra agent cook.  While Jennifer gorges on junk food, Jill starves herself all day until the middle of the night – which leads to regret, chewing and spitting, or purging. 

The friendship is very vioiatle and it focuses on people chewing and eating a lot – which, is actually quite disgusting. 

To me, unaccording to other critics and receivers… I believe that Jill and Jennifer are the same person. Jennifer is Jill’s inner “hungry” girl… while Jill is Jennifer’s inner “fat” girl (although they definitely did not chose an overweight actress to play the part)

There are lots of weird forced food and eating moments during the movie. Jill even locked Jennifer up and she escapes but the cops don’t even act like they are two people, just one… therefore why I think they ARE one person.

In the end, after she’s supposedly “dead”, Jennifer shows up to a casting call and they even say something of the likes of “oh it’s her again”… which makes me even more sure that that Jennifer and Jill are the same person.

I duno. Thoughts?

And so I sit here…

It’s 3:02AM EST time and I’m sitting here watching tv marathons and movies on iTunes and Netflix.  I just finished off a bowl of homemade nachos and guacamole and I’m about to go warm up some more spicy pulled pork I made earlier.  Has this become my life?  This could be the wine talking, or the wandering mind thinking… but this is definitely not where I thought I would be… a year ago, two, three, five, ten? What has happened?

It’s funny how things work. Weight gain made me sad. But I gained weight cuz I’ve been happy. But the weight gain makes me not want to move… so while I eat less, I move less. I’m still not happy with my body. But that could just be my eating disorder talking.  Always in recovery, never fully recovered.

You guys have been with me through so many ups and downs and yet you remain loyal.  So much gratitude.  Love, lust, heartbreaks. Breakdowns and highs. Parties and mournings.

The past year I have been basically mostly living in Taiwan and I’ve forgotten my love for cooking, almost.  I stopped caring a lot about things I used to be so passionate about and I have no real explanation for it… but it’s recently sparked up again.

I cooked duck the other day. And today I had a pulled pork burrito/taco night with pomegranate guacamole, spicy mango pico de gallo with roasted garlic and corn and an extremely spicy salsa verde… along with some yummy gooey blue corn chip nachos.  I started to feel alive again.  I started a cooking idea journal/notebook again…. mainly b/c I was planning to cook for C on his birthday… and while things got in the way, I still got MAD IDEAS to play on.

SO…. I have ideas of doing supper parties.  [And have talked with a chef friend or two about doing pop ups] – I want to, once I move out, host supper/dinner parties, first once a month, and then possibly once a week.  People can BYOB and tell me their diets…. or just leave it up to me.  Hopefully soon after team, up with chefs and cool wine people.

I have so many ambitions and ideas… I want to write, I want to travel, I want to cook, I want to go back to school…. and I want to film it all. I have a secret thing about wanting to be in front of a camera.

So maybe this is how this blog is evolving.  It went from food diary to healthy eating and recipes to eating out and traveling extravagantly …. and then just personal…. me finding my inner peace…. healing and now this.  My lifestyle. Ever evolving.

This blog is now: Finding the real Miss Tiffie.

Please join me in my journey.

New Years Eve Dinner 2016 at Duexave

FINALLY I’m GONNA POST THIS!!!!!!!!!

So I’ve been backlogged… I have half written blogs up all in this shizz and it doesn’t seem to be coming out (ha! – Sorry dirty mind!) I keep having ideas and then writer’s block… my current obsession with watching Frozen and Tangled and seeing their soundtrack 24/7 isn’t helping either… haha “hashtag dork”… and I also started obsessing (yeah a few seasons… like 6, late) with 2 Broke Girl$ (hastag ILOVEMAXSHEISMYHERO) so yeah.  Work, Disney, iTunes is ruining me…. in a wonderful way.

So let’s catch up on 2017… Let’s start off with my last night of it…. NYE 2016 :) which sadly I had a stomach bug so I threw up all night with my date.  Which was funny cuz my date and I went to watch college football first, and me being over-underdressed  puked a few times at the bar.  My stomach finally calmed down on the way to Deuxave (owned and cooked by one of favorite chefs Chef Christopher Coombs) And while I was being careful with my tender tummy… I am NOT about to throw up any good food… I didn’t eat my usual overstuffed way, but all the food was amazing!!!! I haven’t been in forever!!!



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We started off with delicious warm sourdough (great crust and fluffy middle) with a ribboned creamy butter.

Funny story [sidenote] about sourdough bread.  This total bully that lived across the street from me when I was a kid in New Mexico, LOVED sourdough bread. I played with her because 1. She lived across the street from me. 2. She was a bully. 3. She had no friends. 4. I am overly nice even though she did horrible things to me…. etc. etc. ANYWAYS, she loved it, I hated it and she even held it against me. She also forced me to watch Child’s Play which I ran home crying after. I was like 7. Bitch. Her, not me. She also grabbed my arm and bit it once because I said I didn’t want to play with her anymore… #whyineedtherapy [/sidenote]

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Then came the complimentary amuse bouches…. All topped with microgreens!!!…

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Crap, I forgot what these balls were.. they were fried balls of yumminess though… I think it was crab… When in doubt just shove it all in your mouth (ha!) when in a spoon… especially if shaped in little balls (double ha!)

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Some Creamy Lobster Bisque. (HA! The lady next to us even asked for spoons… LOL duh you sip it, it’s a tiny little cup… and if anything just freaking eat your balls and use that spoon… LOLOL.. she complained a lot all night LOLOL!) Anyways.. tasty, thick and rich.

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And some duck liver terrine with pomegranate seeds on cute little crostini…. I could never turn down anything duck liver… or things on a crostini.  I admit it. I love the trend… it shall never grow old… anything on toasted bread (preferably buttery… even more buttery and garlicky) will forever be delicious!!!!!

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For appetizers (thankfully my date was happy to go with my (get two of everything we would eat so we can try more foods) we got the Wagyu Beef Tartare with Forbidden Rice Chips, Green Papaya Salad, Avocado Puree and Crispy Shallots!

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And the Hamachi Crudo with Fennel Dill, Pickled Shallots, Rye Crisps and Smoked Aioli… which is fresh and delicious…. simple and perfect! And gorgeously plated…. and oh oh oh how I love the roe :] Roe roe roe!!!

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And then came the seafood plates!  With Seared Nantucket Bay Scallops with Maitake & Black Trumpet Mushrooms, Brodo, Fines Herbs and a Chili Oil….. hehe I always love when they table side pour for you… I had to whip out the camera in time to catch it in action.

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Look at those beautiful cute things.  Now, date doesn’t do seafood, but he did for me :] And liked it!!!! —- Although he did pass on the hamachi crudo… still need to ease him into sushi…. (bad experience, supposedly)

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And obviously anything with pork belly.. am I right?  Crispy Spanish Octopus(sy) & Pork Belly with Chorizo, Choucroute, Potato, Parsley and Aiji Amarillo.  Octopus on point with crispy ends… and a melt in your mouth pork belly :] NOM!

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And then comes our main courses!!!!! Which contained the highlight of the night… Prime Beef Tenderloin & Perigord Black Truffles with Egg Yolk Raviolo, Celery Root and Bordelaise.

This Raviolo was the dish I was waiting the whole night for, especially since Chef Chris posted the instagram online.  Yeah, you should follow his instagram.  I stalk it religiously for amazing food porn and cute baby pics :]

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Spiced Long Island Duck Breast & Housemade Sausage with Romanesco, Baby Shitake Mushrooms, Foie Gras & Cipollini Vintrigrette and Persimmon.

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Perfectly cooked and I adored the small chunks of all the foie and sausage.  It didn’t overwhelm and the duck was amazing.  You know I’m a duck girl, if there is duck on the menu, I am sure to get it.

We were nearing close to midnight……..

We got complimentary bites nibbles whilst waiting for our desserts…. nervously so, since it was nearing midnight.  They weren’t a hit…. Not to be a party pooper but the other customers around us didn’t seem to enjoy them either…..

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And the desserts came…..

“Cafe Chocolate” with Coffee Biscuit, Cardamom Cremux, Caramelized Vanilla Glace…. Super yummy!!!!!!!!…. I loveeeee cardamom in sweet desserts…!!!!

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And I, being a lover of Chestnuts, I picked “Chestnuts Roasting On an Open Fire” with Chestnut Cream, Vanilla Meringue, Kalamansi and Banana Glace.  The Ice cream was delicious but unfortunately the citrus inside the ball was just way overpowering so I ended up getting no chestnut flavor. :[

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We sipped on glasses of a delicious Rose bubbly the whole night and had such delightful conversations… (I think I might be a bit loud and embarrassing to him) —-and even got to chat with my buddy, Chef Chris for a bit [yes! Hang soon! And I’ll be in for the waffles & foie ASAP]… unfortunately we were rushing to our venue at the W Hotel to countdown to the New Years so I couldn’t squeeze in a pic with him :[ WAA WAA… It’s okay… it’s not like I’m far from this place.  Adore this place!!!!!

 

Can you believe it’s February? 2017?

I have so many posts, “almost finished” on here…. I promise to post my New Years Eve dinner post tonight, but life has just been flying past me.

Swoooooshhhhhh….

I feel like this website needs a makeover, do-over, something.  It’s become more of a lifestyle blog than a food blog, although food still is my main love :]  But hey, the older you get, the more life gets in your way.  You grow, evolve… changes.

I’m trying this “healthy” approach to my snacking and randomly missing meals with RXBars and ProteinWorld smoothies… but hell, sometimes I just want my bag of chips to munch on.  My body doesn’t do too well with salty food, so I constantly crave it.  Ahhh, the irony.

2017 has been interesting. I was back in the States before Xmas 2016 but so much drama and blah blah blah… oh and BLAH!… Thankfully I’ve had great people to be there with me and for me [as me for them] during the times.  Love is in the air.  I love you my friends/family.

Anyways just wanna put it out there, I shall be blogging more, cooking more [hopefully]  and I hope I haven’t lost a ton of you….  especially since I’ve been back and forth from Asia and America so much – still figuring out where I wanna end up living at for a “time” or just stick with traveling everywhere :] OK… time to finish my plan for tomorrow’s menu and my NYE Dinner blog post that’s long overdue.

xo always,

I’m back bitches!!!!!!!!

Tiffie

PS. Patriots are DA FUGGING CHAMPIONS……AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This year’s superbowl was unforgettable and epic. Tom Brady for life <3 You know what else was on fire? The wings I made for Superbowl Sunday. Scotch bonnet, garlic, shallots, pineapple, etc…. FIRE <3 Fire like Brady was!!!!! Holla!

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So far a great holiday season back in bean town!!!! 

So I tried posting earlier but they posted my pics backwards! I’ll have a special post about my 3 months in Taiwan…. but first the holidays – partially in Taipei and the other in Boston!!!! Starting with a non-traditional Thanksgiving :) Btw I’m super excited for New Years Eve :) 


Christmas Night Market at 101 Taipei 


The last dinner



Airplane and Airport food lol

Lounge food (not showing my booze lol)

May look weird but it was tasty chicken in gravy over rice

Guy was so nice he got me expensive wine from business class and chocolates :)

Actually a good plane breakfast! The sausage was weird but the egg white mushroom frittata was good! Just wasn’t fond of the chunks of cream cheese on top (yeah it’s not cheese or butter)… but awesome they had steamed spinach… super healthy!

Breakfast at Buena Vista at the SanFran airport!!!!!!i always get this lol at the same place :) Thie time I added jalapeños and salsa!!!! 


Ugly Sweater Party


Christmas Eve


Merry Christmas


Happy Holidays! It’s late so I’ll update with more descriptions tomorrow!!!!

Not my typical Sunday

I had an amazing day… I woke up at 730am to get ready for my RPI Alumni meets new students brunch all the way in Medford.  Being the lazy person that I am, and a sleep-in-aholic, I almost didn’t go… but I read a few cards and they all said that today was going to be good.  And it was good.  In fact, it was great.  It started a bit rough, I had some personal issues I’m STILL dealing with (ugh!) but after a bit of this and that, I got over it and had a great time at the brunch!

This is all I got to say:

The event was so much fun!  All the alumni got to introduce themselves and have a little speech about what they did and advice for the new frosh coming in.  I was the only non-engineer and was kooky and, I feel, the most truthful about the whole situation.  I just told them to have fun, enjoy themselves…  don’t feel forced to join anything and just attend all the events that you want to, but DO attend events.

Talked to a lot of recent grads, a lot of future frosh and their parents, it was a really great time!  In fact, I was the first person to win from the raffle! WOOT!  I also had a LOT of sugar and coffee….. I’m totally going to be attending a lot more of these alumni events from now on.  Everyone was super nice and fun to talk to.  Tons of swag, food and beverages too.  I felt like I should’ve tossed in a 20$ or something.

Afterwards, after planning on a movie, eating and tattoos…. it ended up just being a nice relaxing day on a couch with mimosas and tequila and marathoning Penny Dreadful, eating real food…. but, my fault for choosing Greek, “OK” gyro plates….[DIY meh gyros, meh.. pitas broke apart, chicken was dry, but the veg was fresh and the tzatziki sauce was on point] and just being happy me, with company of course :]

Penny Dreadful is SUCH an amazing show.  We marathon’d a whole season and then some.  And every character is just so intriguing!  It’s amazing.. it’s like watching a neverending horror movie with a perfectly casted cast. << haha.

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And so then now what?

Today is the first day of my Birthday month…. there will be dinners, parties, more time with my own Mr. Gray, travel to NC to see my Amanda, traveling…. and just being happy.  And hopefully no more of that outside negativity in my life. How does one stay so obsessive to the point of crazy?  Thankfully it doesn’t affect my life and who I am, I just don’t care [re-watch Demi video above]

And that said, I’m going to bed, goodnight my loves. XOXO.

 

Sunday, July 24 2016: It’s begun… Changes and a BBQ

Dear Archangel Sandalphon for telling me that “We angels bring you gifts from your Creator.  Open your arms to receive.”  It’s nice to know that positive things are coming my way.  That’s what I think of when I think of getting gifts from angels and God.

The gifts from God and now changes… it all leans towards, to me, a positive future.  These have to do with changes in my life, the people around me, those I keep, those I keep away… and also my choices in life.  Lately, I’ve been stepping out of my boundaries and comfort zones.  I’ve changed so much in so many aspects of my life, it’s actually quite interesting just looking back at everything.  I’m being more social lately, instead of being a hermit (hehe I am) and going to alumni events, social events, work events, all sorts of things…  and it’s just making me so happy.  Work hard, “play” hard – and just me being me. I refuse to let any guy to change me anymore.

A guy from my past is putting my on blast (haha holla at my rhymes) but I refuse to let negativity and bad words, cursing, and obsessive overthinking get to me. Cut. Done. Gone.

I was reminded to Release and Surrender… it’s so strange how my daily card readings are so related.  “We shower you with our blessings of our radiant love.  Open your arms, and release the challenges that you’ve held tightly gripped within your hands.  Open your hands, arms, and heart to our love and assistance.”  I have been very open to everything that has been happening,, will be happening… I’ve definitely let everything go and let everything in.  And always with a positive outlook, or else how do you live your life?  In constant fear?  In constant darkness and negativity?  Open up your mind, challenges and change can mean positiveness.

[My] destiny is to blossom, to shine, to transform to an ever-greater light.

Well thanks.  That’s quite the amazing advice to give me.  I feel like my future is brighter and ever-growing than ever.  I have never felt this bright, in the light, this positive and happy in my life – ever.

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BTW, look at the cuties, aside from Didi, that I got to hang out with this afternoon at my work’s BBQ outing!!!!

And why does Didi look like this?

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She finally learned how to swim today… she swam a few circles in the lake – it was so freaking hot – and she was SOOOOO adorable!!!!… my tiny little cute furbaby

Change. Practice. Progress. Action.

It has been quite a change lately.  Since I have moved back to America, I totally changed… it really hit me, especially with all the drama that came with it afterward.

Change. Change.  Change.  It’s such a great thing, change.  I used to joke about how “I don’t like change” but in fact, I love it.  It was a joke to me because I love tradition, but not BAD “tradition”.  Negativity is a no-no, especially now that I’ve found my own voice.

And now, after spending a month and a half in Taiwan re-finding my spirituality, healing my soul, my past, and learning my new gift… I came back to Boston with so many new things.  Not only do I design, and do readings for people, I am now Co-CEO of Blue Lotus with one of my longest besties!

I am a whole new person, and a very go-go-get it one.

Practice makes Perfect, isn’t that what people always say?  So I’m just working hard at my new ventures.  Not only just job wise but even spirituality.  Do what  you do and do it well… get it done.  Just go for what you want, go for it, go for it, go for it, and you will get to it!

It’s crazy, I got this card again in the past few days… but it’s true.  It’s telling me that my progress is good, but I still have to keep going step by step.  I can’t rush it at all.

Honestly it was really crazy that these cards kept talking to me today.  And they are all related.  I just know, I need to know what I want and go for it, head on.  Slow and steady, we will always reach our goals!…. YES GOALS!  Don’t ever just have one goal in life, have many…. constantly…. and always go for them…. and even when you reach one, add another goal.  Or else, what is the point in life?

I dated a guy before, and he told me that he was content where he was.  No goals, told me I’d always be the breadwinner.  REALLY? Ultimately, I broke up with him on our anniversary.  Always have goals, always reach to be better, always DO BETTER!  You are great, but there is always a better you, even the Dalai Lama can improve.  And I’m sure, if questioned, he would say it too.

I hate drama and it does hurt my confidence.  I am blessed to be constantly surrounded by people who live by amazing honest lives.  Maturity.  Honesty.  Selflessness.  They remind me that people can be good and gracious… loving, caring, even despite all of the disasters in my life.  I forgive.  I strive to be one just like them…

I need to be me.  I am me.  Love me for me.  Accept who I am.  Because I do.

This is a secret joke between my “teacher/mentor” and I.  She had a student who always spent too much money when they got this card.  We had a chuckle.  Thanks, Archangel Metatron for reminded me of my love for children [and possibly spending too much money? FYI, I didn’t spend a cent today LOL] I say this has a lot to do with me and my furbaby Didi today.  We had a lot of time together today.  I love her, just like I would love all my babies.  Just like I adore all children.

OK it’s not midnight yet, hopefully I don’t buy anything online, HAHAHAHAHA.

XOXO

ps. I’m so hungry :[

A midnight message from an Angel


Wed, July 13 2016: Victory!

Winner Winner Pho for Dinner!  But we’ll get to that in a sec…. but I do see that as a victory as well, since I’ve been craving it for over two months!

Today Archangel Sandalphon is in my life and have told me that “[My prayers have been heard and answered.  Have faith.”  Which is SO on point since a big “victory” I would say has recently happened just right before I left Taiwan.  Which made it a lovely trip back.

A weight has been lifted off my heart and shoulders….. that is until I landed in Boston and saw a certain text.  And then some…. I was filled with rage…. and then just sympathy, compassion, forgiveness.  I called my teacher/mentor last night and she talked to me.  She told me just to relax, breath in, breath out, and do some card readings and pendulum readings to help relax me.  The angels were with me last night/early this morning…. and I was finally able to easily rest at 6am.  Obviously, jet lag had something to do with it – and hunger, but today I feel even lighter than I ever have been before.

I think my heart and spirt…. my soul, has been finally healed and I am completely ready to help others.  The stronger and more calm and happy and loving that I become, the more I want to share it with the world, give, give, give and give.  I feel sorry for those who play victim and just want to take and not give back.

I am closer to God and my spirituality than I have been in a very very long time.  And I am so very happy that this change happened to me.  So yes, I have been victorious in so many ways.  I still have a few things to cross over, but I’m getting there – isn’t there always room for improvement?  Growing?  Being a better person?

It’s very important to always remember that.  Just because you achieve one victory doesn’t mean you stop there, you just keep on aiming for more.

Smile.

Guess who else joined me for dinner?  Yup, Luke got me to try the Pokémon Go craze…. and it seems to be getting to me pretty hard LOLOL…. it’s strange how after all these years, Pokémon are smart enough to still get it to viral status.

 

Love and bless you all. XOXO,

Tiffie

And here’s a little something something from my latest fobby crush, Kris Wu[Wu Yi Fan aka 吴亦凡], whom I noticed he was on the EXO-M, korean/mando pop groups and also now an actor, Canadian/Chinese, which I saw him on the plane on Mr. Six.  Here is bad girl…. omg he’s so not my type but he’s so pretty :] I’ll take it… also his music is……. let’s just say his acting is better ;] LOL.

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I adore him with lots of hair and when he dyed it white <3 <3 <3tumblr_inline_nhevve8SMZ1s3hzf8

Also my other latest crush in the past two and a half months has been Taiwanese actor, Darren Wang [Ta Lu Wang aka 王大陸] from the movie Our Times… who is even further away from my type.  But yes yes yes please.  I’ve actually been having tons of dreams about him lately.
*blush* Should I read my cards with him? LOL…..

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Cuties right? Maybe I will start dating asians again……