What makes you “normal”?

One of my best friends asked me “What is normal?” the other day when I said that I wasn’t “normal”.  I told him that being normal was weird, because what is normal? WHAT IS NORMAL?

I’m not normal, I don’t think I ever have been.  For a brief moment in my life I wanted to be… seriously, it’s hilarious.  I wanted to be a cheerleader and “popular” and date the cutest guy in school.  But I was far from it.  I was a geek, a nerd, an outcast, I couldn’t dress, I was super awkward, but I was me.

I was the girl who begged my mom to go to a school dance and when I finally got to go to one, everyone had someone to dance with except me…  no one would touch me with a ten foot pole.  Totally scarring as a pre-teen, totally glad I didn’t dance with any of those gross guys now.

But, look at me now.  My past made me strong.  And my own mind kept my strength up.

My mother asked me today why I look so unhappy all the time lately… I was playing some game on my phone… I told her, I had a “sadness”.  She asked me, “What right do YOU have to have a sadness inside you?”  I didn’t answer her.  I don’t need to.  I don’t need to answer to anyone why I have this sadness in me… It’s been in me since I can remember.  I have a sadness but also a light; Which is why I still live on, strong, with hope and optimism.

There’s a sadness that has always been there, but I blame no one for it but myself for letting it linger.  I want no pity, no worry, no “special care” for it.  I know what’s wrong with me, that’s why I’m okay with who I am and why I can handle myself and take care of myself.

I am a stronger woman because of this.  And just because I have sadness that overcomes and consumes within me doesn’t mean I don’t have happiness that keeps me continuing on in life.

ps. I look cute today.

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Yay to 5 Seconds of Summer tank top, Harry Styles necklace and Liam Payne makeup.  I just tried the eyeshadows and lipgloss but it was fun.  Someone needs to teach me how to do makeup because I’m lazy AF about it and I know nothing about contouring.  Amanda,  you makeup guru, help me!

Holiday gift problems?…. I got your solution!!!!

While I am still trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with my MissTiffie.com site.  Ever since my ex deleted my website it’s still going to the wrong hosting site, when I already have hosting and everything on GoDaddy! Someone help please!!!!!…..  But I’d like to promote this super awesome gift you can give to your loved ones!!!!

kendamamisstiffie

Go to http://kendamaco.com :] The promo only lasts til January 1, 2016 so hit it up now!!!!!!

My tattoos.. and their meanings…

I recently just got my newest tattoo… “Bolsillo lleno de sueños” – which means “Pocketful of Dreams” – Once again I was attacked by my mother.. so I thought I would make a post about my tattoos and their meanings…. First and foremost my newest ones.  As you can see, I will not lie, yes I have cut.  As I grow older, something that used to be a shame to me is turning into something I want to bring awareness to.  Hurting yourself, cutting, self-harm, etc… is NOT the right way to do it.  I wanted my new tattoo to cover my scars and to remind me to always look to the future, and look to the stars… so I added it to my stars I got last year in Taiwan… and added a few more to “complete” the whole look.

These were the original stars that i had gotten in Taiwan…… always look to the stars…. always keep believing and dreaming and reaching for them…. that’s why I got them

These two hearts were my first.  And I got them with one of my besties/sis Serina when she lived with me for a week in America.  They represent us :]

And yes, this was my second tattoo… a Hello Kitty bow. DUH. Explanation needed?!?!

The next was the start of my Alice in Wonderland obsession…. which I hope to be the biggest piece on me…. I have slowly added onto this thru-out the past two years.  But this was the first, And it is absolutely GORGEOUS!!!

This “Infinity Sign with Love” in it is dedicated to my mother.  When I was a little kid my mom would ask “How much do you love me?” And I’d stretch out my arms and say “INFINITY”

Later after a few drinks I went back and got this, my Leo sign.  I am the definition of a LEO woman and I am proud of my strong sign.

My “Curiosity often leads to trouble” with dragonflies that I got with my bestie, Kate, on her Bday (we represent the dragonflies, she got a different tatt on her foot with color but also with two dragonflies)

Follow the white rabbit… This is the bunny/rabbit from Alice in Wonderland (duh) but with a heart balloon… cuz… I just love it.

This is my ” <3 ” which shows my nerdy way of loving someone.  This is my first tattoo I got at Ximending in like ghetto tattoo area in Taipei. LOL.

This was another tattoo I’ve wanted to get for awhile.   Life is love and love it life.  I want to be always filled with love and no hat.  I’ll robably get more love-related tattoos in the future.

This is my “Believe” my second finger tattoo… and NO nothing to do with Justin Bieber or Bielibers…. I got it for me to always remember to BELIEVE in myself.  There is always ho[e!

This one is a huge deal from me, a lot of you may know by now I have suffered from an Eating Disorder for more than half my life.  This is the recovery symbol.

Ah. After a margarita (those HUGE ones) for breakfast (in Vegas obviously) there was a tattoo parlor right across from the Mexican place we were at so I finally got a tattoo I’ve wanted.  Champagne glass (my fav booze) with heart (see more love references) bubbles!!!! – I designed it!

Me: You think they’ll do walk-ins?
Kelly: Dude it’s Vegas, they bank on bad decisions.

And yes there are funny videos of me lying on my stomach in a skirt getting tattooed.

Who needs to rule the day when you can be me and rule the night?

“Carpe Noctum”

One of my bestie’s, Johnny aka Woo Bear, got “carpe diem” after I got this :] <3

I also have an obsession with skulls… but of course it’d have to have a BOW on it :] If you look at my jewelry and clothes I have tons of skulls stuff!

This is when I FINALLY added onto my Alice in Wonderland side tattoo.  Which I want to turn into a large side piece eventually ALL related to AIW.  I’m thinking mushrooms, Cheshire Cat, vines/flowers, a teacup and obviously an “Eat Me” cupcake or cookie… WHICH I might turn my skull into. (The skull will be the top of the cupcake and I’ll have maybe an Eat Me ribbon around it.)

Yes. I am Tiffie Dee aka Queen Dee.

Austin Mahone’s autograph! Yeah… DUH. FAN FOR LIFE!

And a 5SOS (5 Seconds of Summer) tattoo. I love you guys!!!!

And then my gorgeous stopwatch!…. How beautiful and intricate s it?  And now I just need to add the chain that will connect the pocket watch to the key!

And how can I forgot my dedication for the love of food. “j’ai faim” which means I’m hungry in French. WHICH I want to add onto cuz the space about the M looks like I can add some foody pic in it. Chopsticks? butcher knife?  Still unsure….. haha bowl of rice.

And course my newest one. That you first saw…. “Pocketful of Dreams” in Spanish.  So now I have English, Latin, French AND Spanish on me.

I also need to add to my Alice in Wonderland side piece ASAP.  Eventually I want a back to shoulder tattoo.   I want something to represent my parents (possible both of their chinese last names intertwined into a design).  I need a 1D and BSB one. A cat one.  And my Valfré mermaid which I’m getting next. Also want a little Fafi on me :] Two of some of my favorite artists!!!

So far 22 Tatts and 18 Piercings… this needs to change NOW!