I’m a horrible human being…

Today my mother looked me straight in the eyes and told me that I was a horrible human being trying to make her die. Literally. She said that. She said I was trying to give her Covid because I wanted her demise. She said this after she asked me why I’ve been losing a lot of hair. Two reasons, either 1. nutrition or 2. depression… and I said probably both but definitely I’ve been depressed. And then she said why? I said because you have been picking fights with me over every single stupid thing lately… and then she said that I was trying to kill her. And she looked me in the eyes and said “Yes, I think you are a horrible human being…” I’m not sure how to feel right now. Obviously I’m hurt, but to be called that straight to your face, eyes to eyes, it’s definitely a thing.

I made a joke today because we were fighting and she took it as me wanting her to die. I don’t get it. I apologized that she didn’t get my humor trying to calm the situation but for her to tell me I’m a horrible human being…

Maybe I am. But I’ve never wished death on anyone in my life… and I’ve had a lot of shitty things happen to me.

It hurts.

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