Once upon a time….

I thought I was living in a fairy tale.  And I think I have been.  But then I realized that they were not true.  But isn’t it true?  There’s always a witch or a bad guy in a fairy tale that one must conquer to find true happiness.  The reality is to not give up.

I truly believe that my relationship was fate…. a great fairytale and absolute karma. But then after that, it takes work.  We met, we rarely ever separated…. and it all started with the magical apple…. which is why I got my first tattoo for a guy I was super in love with.

Love, takes work.  I find myself crying on the bathroom floor… sobbing and falling apart.  I find myself sleeping, knowing we are no longer together and yet his arm is wrapped around me…. my heart starts thumping hard and my throat tightens and I can barely breathe. This is how it goes.  You can love, and love and love…. but if both or one isn’t willing to work on it. Take the heartache, but not wanting to lose the love, it’s not gonna work.  I don’t want to lose what I have finally found.  And I have never felt this kind of love in my life. I have never given all of myself to anyone, like this, ever before.  I have never given up my whole life just to move across the world because I can’t stand being away from the one that I love. And the fact that I will be leaving in just a few days just breaks me.

He gave up.  And I let him.  I accepted it.

Please let me keep believing.

I open my eyes are there you are…

I’m pretty sure I am the luckiest girl in the world.  By fate, chance, karma,緣分, however you wanna call it, I’m sure blessed to have you in my life.  You always makes me smile, laugh, giggle and unconditionally happy.  I love falling asleep next to you and waking up next to you.  In a few days we will be embarking on a new exciting journey, together.  One of the biggest choices I’ve made in my life , seriously, the biggest deal that I have ever made and I’m so glad we’re doing it hand in hand.  With you next to me, we will get through anything and everything.  You are positive, an inspiration, protective of me, supportive, loving and simply the love of my life! …and it all started with an Apple.

I promise to be all yours if you are all mine.

See you in 3+ hours baby <3 LOVE YOU

Where have you been all of my life?

This past week has been absolutely amazing.  All because of this guy.

Yup. Who would’ve thought that meeting a guy on a plane, accepting an apple towards the end of a flight [the airplane food was pretty sad…] and spending almost a whole month with him would lead me to so much happiness.

It’s been over a month and while things have escalated quickly, it just feels so natural and right.  From wandering the streets of Taiwan together, going to Denver, driving to Montana to have Thanksgiving with his family and friends and now him living with me in Boston – It’s been just getting better and stronger with each passing minute.

Who thought a random meeting, could turn into a fling, into a friendship and then something even better.  He is the most amazing thing that has happened to me and I am so very blessed to have him come into my life.  We can be nerdy, gaming, foodie dorks together, perverted and mean to each other as well [haha]…

It’s been such a good ride so far…. I can’t wait for more…. XOXO

PS. Please help support his kendama company Kendama Co. by buying your loved ones and kiddies a kendama, or three for the holidays [or birthday or no reason at all] – If you get it now BEFORE Jan 1, 2016 you can get 10% off using PROMO CODE: MISSTIFFIE

Do you believe? Forever vs Flames

Relationships are hard.  I’m sure you all know by now there will be tears of laughter and pain.  We all look for that forever, but why is our criteria so “perfect”  Is there such thing as a forever or an impeding doom? I feel like we usually live so black and white we forget the real colors in between.  I believe in soulmates but I also believe in finding the one that is just as great.

There’s so much effort and deceit.  Why not just let it go as it is and be honest and be yourself?  Learn to live, to love, to let go, to move on, and just to be happy.  I would love to find someone to spend the rest of my life with.  Be old and grumpy, giggle and throw popcorn at people in theatres… dress up for fancy events, and possibly, hopefully, give birth to life itself right in front of our eyes.  But I’d also be happy not settling for just anyone and being a dog/cat lady for life. Single, dating, happy, friends.

So it’s not always Forever vs Flames.

It’s whatever makes you happy…. do you believe you can achieve happiness? If so, and if that is your goal – you are on the right path.

Are we in the clear yet? – T.S.

Why do I have the old Spiderman cartoon theme song stuck in my head? No idea.  It’s annoying and entertaining me at the same time, must turn on some good tunes…

I’ve been in a funk of a mood all day and just feeling stupid, with no one to blame but myself that right now I’m in this position.  I know, I know… people make mistakes, learn from them, grow and don’t repeat.  But I just want to press rewind and not have had it happen at all. In fact there were a lot of things that could be changed.

But people are people, as I am a human being, and sometimes we do dumb things.  All we can do is apologize, cross our fingers and hope that everything will be okay.  Because such trivial silly dumb things are things that we can laugh about later in life.  When I feel down about these things I always think of the movie The Fault in our Stars and rub my necklace…. look at my tattoo. Pocketful of Dreams.  Don’t let a small thing ruin something that could be far more amazing.  You only live life once. Forgive. Forget. Love. Laugh. Dance in the Rain. Be happy.

 Good.

…..but I’ll pick you a flower if you like

Relationships and stuff…

Lately, the talk of love, relationships, dating etc has been coming up a lot in my life; like a lot.  (I feel like it’s a thing for as you get older and stay single…. ) And not just for me but for my friends (who conveniently like to come to me for advice hehe…)  I’ve always been told that I hold such an optimistic view on my love life.  We all want that connection though. It’s okay though, it’s natural, right?  But I’ve never been desperate for a relationship and when one ends… I never lose hope and give up.  Just keep swimming, right?

Although I would have to say I have made some pretty bad choices with men, how do deal with them, staying in broken relationships for way too long and jumping into them way too quick.  But hey, while some criticize my way of going out my love life, I think it’s my way of learning about love and life.  Without mistakes you won’t truly know what you want.  Without knowing the bad, you will never appreciate the good. Thank goodness I don’t have fish brain (Dora brain) – with what kind of memory span, 5 seconds?! Haha…. which reminds me. [start craziness] less than19 days til my birthday and less than 43 days til 5 Seconds of Summer concert. OK. [/end craziness]

But maybe we’ll add a video of 5SOS just because it’s my blog and I DO WHAT I WANT!!!! – Yup years later I still quote Cartman.

Yeah I’m a good girl that’s a bad girl that hasn’t been caught.

One of my best friends once told me that she was “too scared about how much she liked the guy she has recently been dating” because she has been hurt a few times before (Haven’t we all, by this age?).  I told her that she just had to live in the moment, enjoy it, because life and love is always a chance.

The guy I am currently “seeing” said to me awhile ago was “To me, a relationship is built over time. There’s no need to rush it. That’s why I’m okay with long distance and easing into things. If you’re one of those people who just needs constant attention from someone […] and just want to go with whoever gives you the most of that attention…it’s not really going to lead to a real relationship. Easy come, easy go, right?” Which makes perfect sense.  It’s not that I needed attention, I suppose reassurance, as confident as anyone can be, we all have our weak moments and hope that we are cared for back and not being played.  Which reminds me of one of my favorite, and also most overused bible quotes:

And to that one special person in my life right now…. All I can say is….

But it doesnt mean that I’m gonna succumb to your every need and desire.  I might as well date exes that I dumped.  I’ve just been in a huge argument with a current ex about us and others and what is what?!.. I don’t say that previous (some) relationships may mature and we could get back together but I also can’t say that something that I can be happy is in my near/far future.  I think I’ve always spent too much time trying to make my significant other super happy… in all ways…. that for once I want a real thing.  So everyone…. be happy.. stay happy… feel confident about it…. and just let it be <3

Food & Relationships….

You can tell a lot about a couple when they go out to eat.  How they interact, how they talk [IF they talk] and just the little things.  Today I was out to brunch and a couple sat next to us.  At first me and my brunch date was guessing if they were brother and sister.

“No, they don’t look anything alike, PLUS they act like an old married couple”

They barely talked.  Both scowling and both staring at their iphones.

My brunch partner argued they must be related and forced to go out and eat… by parents? I still said NO. They’re definitely boyfriend and girlfriend…. just “sick and tired of each other”

The waitress came.  The guy ordered for both of them.

Me and my friend nod at each other. Yep. Dating.

The couple each goes back to their phone and barely exchange a word or two.

First the guy’s cinnamon bun comes.  As he eats it, he feeds a bite, unwillingly, to his gf.  After almost inhaling all of it he offers another bite.  The girlfriend looks up from her phone, shakes her head, and then back down to playing on it.

The food comes.

“DOESNT THIS COME WITH BACON?”

That’s all he says to the waiter.

They go about eating.  They kind talk.  They randomly, awkwardly feed each other a bite of each other’s food.  He keeps SNARFFLING – not sniffing but like loudly inhaling his boogers in  and they kinda talk. KINDA.  They don’t really look at each other and look almost annoyed.  But go about with the typical “couple” things.

They left really soon after.

This reminds me of the demise of all my relationships.  Nothing to talk about. Don’t wanna look at each other.  Don’t wanna show affection, etc etc.

IN CONCLUSION.  I’ve been with my man for one of the longest relationships I’ve ever been in and we still always have things to talk about, feed each other, show affection, giggle, laugh and love to look at each other and touch.

Thank you couple about to break up for reminding me how blessed and in love I am.

BTW, my Lobster Benedict was BOMB!

PS. yay for my boy Austin on VMAs!!!!!!! Winning Artist to Watch AND a bomb ass performance.

Not a Food Post: Thoughts on Relationships and Commitment

So this is not a food post. So before you decide to continue reading or not. Here are some recent yummies I’m ingested and digested, and yes pooped out.

Burger Pizza from Sonsie’s

Iberico Jamon from Toro

And most recently I made dinner for BF and I….

Real Black Truffle… this is worth likt 90$

Red Wine Braised Spicy Short Ribs with REAL Truffle whipped cauliflower and roasted brussel sprouts and mushrooms

And our bacon and bacon fat/habanero scrambled egg fest the next day

Oh, and my Easter Duck from Sel de la Terre

Anyways now it’s gonna get deep. So prepare to either enjoy or not enjoy. I said I wanted to grow this website into a little more than just food soooo……. here’s a go at it

So I was talking to one of my friends today…. and somehow it got into threesomes.  He was saying how I’m young and should experiment if I’m attracted, etc, so why not.  I said I doubted I could do it with anyone I had feelings for. He said that he had a girlfriend for a few years and threesomes made them bond anymore.  Which led me into asking him why he wasn’t with her anymore.  And while there were plenty of reasons he could give me, um, him being incredibly good looking and personable – just two off the top of my head… he said cuz he was only 98% in love with her.  Granted they were in their early-mid 20s at the time, which isn’t THAT young but I guess it can and can’t be for this day and age…. but she wanted marriage and babies and he told me he knew he was 100% and wouldn’t want all of that later on with her.  He loved her, she was great, but only 98%……

For some reason it hit a trigger in me and got me thinking.  I was just taking a long hot shower. [fine fine be dirty, imagine it] And I was thinking about my past relationships and what an old boyfriend had said to me.  My first boyfriend after college told me to “never settle” and it’s stuck with me. For 8 long years it’s stuck with me.  I remember it clearly, we were walking into my apartment in Harvard Sq. talking about being in relationships, exes and being happy and he said “Its important to just never settle.” And honestly I think a lot of people I know just settled.  Which is why my friend, today, reminded me again of this.  Settling isn’t good for both sides of the party aka relationship.

So then it got me thinking even more…. I thought I was going to marry my first boyfriend.  I had my first kiss when I was 16.  A month after I graduated high school. Yep.  I admit it.  And after that first heartbreak it was guy after guy that wanted to marry me and have babies with me and then I’d run away.  I was dubbed a commitmentphobe and a “guy” by my friends.  Can you believe that?  How many girls would immediately jump at the idea of getting married, eloping and having babies with a guy? Not me. Why?  NOT FULLY THERE.  So, see, back to my friend saying “98%” how much percentage have I been with each guy?

DOOD. I had a guy I wanted to break up with try to get me to stay with him by telling me the engagement ring he was about to propose to me with and saying that he wanted to give me a baby boy. UH. Total turn off. Telling me you wanna give me a baby when trying to seduce me is NOT my kind of foreplay.

And then it brings me on to another thought.  Last weekend I was having a girls day with one of my girlfriends and we were talking about marriage.  I think I’ve been thru maybe 6 or 7 boyfriends since I’ve known her. Awkward right? I’m such a serial relationshipper… I don’t really date. If you don’t interest me, we won’t make it thru a date. Continuing on.  Maybe a fling or two here and there, fun times are always good times, but I like being in love – feeling needed, taking care of someone…. thinking of someone and just smiling.  OH KAY. Enough of that.  She’s been married for almost 10 years.  She had her first kid in High School, got married, went to college and just recently had another boy two years ago.  She said it got hard in the marriage around the 7th year but the reason why they’re so strong is because they’re best friends. BEST FRIENDS.

That’s another topic I want to hit upon.  I want guys I date to become my BEST FRIEND.  I had one guy who refused to be friends with me unless we were in a relationship.  It turned out SHIT so I won’t get into that.  I partially blame the whole pre-friendship/no more respect thing.  OR maybe I’m just a bitch.  Either way.  Doesn’t work for me.

So back to the not settling thing… I realized that I’ve known a lot of guys who not settled… but also a handful of guys who ended relationships cuz while they were happy, they weren’t the right one.  I guess just made me think a lot.

[EDIT] I don’t date guys and be in relationships just to BE IN one… I don’t NEED to be in one.  I’m like one of those disney princess movies that always believe in a happy ending but just end up getting more jaded and fucked up.  I want a best friend. A great lover. A partner in crime. Someone I enjoy life with, not complete.  I can take care of myself, I’m a big girl.  I want a great guy to compliment me and me to compliment him. [/EDIT]

Btw, this friend of mine I’m talking about [first paragraph] told me that Santa may have come from some big Shrooms high amongst other things.

MIND BLOWN.

On that note.

Stay swaggie.

PS. This blog post has NOTHING to do with my current relationship – which is a happy one.  And a private one. J + I are awesome. That’s all.